Saturday, October 27, 2012

Hard to Love

While all the haters and anti-immigrant folk and just the general confused population are out there wondering how/why I "settled" for a poor Mexican immigrant, I'm just thinking this:

I hate to refer to another Lee Brice song, but shit, I am hard to love. Lee Brice isn't even close to one of my favorite artists, but his songs seem to have plucked my heart strings lately. Before you start talking trash about country music, I just have to defend myself by saying that Texas is infectious! I just can't escape it. It's like Bieber Fever or methamphetamines without the skinny jeans or rehab.

I have to post the lyrics too because I know my grandma and Aunt Jano frequent my blog and I'm not sure if they'll be able to see the video, so here are the lyrics:

Hard to Love by Lee Brice
Songwriters: Benjamin Glover, Billy Montana, John Ozier

I am insensitive I have a tendency to pay more attention to the things that
I need.
Sometimes I drink too much, sometimes I test your trust, sometimes I dunno
Why you're staying with me?

I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I
Stood where you stood
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve
It but I love that you love me. Good

I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball crashing into your heart like I do
You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus I wish that I
Could be more like you.
I'm hard to love, hard to love, I don't make it easy, I couldn't do it if I
Stood where you stood,
I'm hard to love, hard to love, you say that you need me, I don't deserve
It but I love that you love me. Good.
Love me good.

Girl you've given me a million second chances and I don't ever wanna take
You for granted, I'm just a man, I'm just a man.

Hard to love, hard to love, oh I don't make it easy and I couldn't do it if
I stood where you stood.
I'm hard to love, hard to love and you say that you need me, I don't
Deserve it but I love that you love me. Good.

You love me good.

I don't know what anyone else is talking about or thinking, but I'm a bitch. Plain and simple. I didn't settle for anyone. My husband is the man of my dreams and I don't deserve him. Even if you considered every good thing I've ever done in my lifetime and ignored the horrible, selfish and inexplicable things, the math just doesn't add up. I am difficult, emotional and overly passionate about irrelevant subjects. I fly off the handle without reason. I drink too much. I have a multi-colored past and am disgustingly indulgent. I am an obsessive addict. Even though I came from a middle class American family, I'm a spoiled brat. Maybe that's because I came from a middle class American family? I have a short temper and am beyond demanding. I'm an uptight, impatient, over-analytical hypocrite. And somehow, regardless of all of that, Mr. Cruz loves me. He adores me. He is proud of me and thoroughly enjoys me as a person.

My husband didn't "luck out" to meet me. I am a better person because he has come into my life. For some reason, God put him in my path. This has nothing to do with green cards or money or citizenship. The price of me is much too high for abusers because I am 3 gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon bucket my friends. I'm the lucky one. I'm the one who is hard to love...


  1. You just said my story! Miguel has his faults, but he loves me for who I am even though, I like you am 3 gallons of crazy in a 2 gallon bucket.I like that saying, I am going to have to use it. He will stand there and let me act a fool because he knows not to say anything. IF anybody asks him why he lets me act like that, he tells them, I'm not stupid enough to even try to stop her and anyway, I fell in love with that so why try to change it.

    We didn't settle, we hit the lottery. Hugs my friend.

  2. Haha - awesome. You wouldn't believe me if I told you that today I was thinking the same thing... I was thinking about how my Mom is, and I'm just like her. Then I thought, oh God, that's how I treat poor hubby. Love my Mom, love me, but you can only handle so much of us. An anal bunch we are. Control freaks. My way or the highway. However, love hubby more than anything. He knows that. Anyways, glad I'm not the "bitch" out there!! HA.

    Oh and what's wrong with country music? I'm a girl from the prairies of Canada....:)

  3. I have this song on repeat, I love it! This was such a perfect post. I feel the same way about me and my man. It doesn't help that the majority of Mexico is laid back and easy going making us Canadian/American people look even more crazy. :D

    Thanks for the new song :)

  4. Em, as a good friend I find all of these descriptions of you hard to believe, but I can absolutely understand the feeling that you lucked out by meeting your partner. I feel the very same way. Thank you for sharing your life with us!

  5. Hi! I have been reading your blog everyday post by post ever since I heard you on This American Life. I am in a long distance relationship (my fiance lives in Mexico and I live in California) and this post made me cry. So beautiful. I relate to you and your relationship in so many ways. Loving your blog and definitely one of your supporters. XOXO

    1. Thank you! Good luck with your fiance and a big cyber hug from me to you. I know it's not easy to be separated from the one you love.