Sunday, September 2, 2012

Third Eye Blind

I’m thoroughly enjoying my 3 day weekend. I was supposed to have to work on Saturday to complete payroll but my boss allowed me to work ahead of the deadline. With Monday off, I'm not feeling my normal Sunday doom-esque thingy. Gordo had little to no questions answered at his doctors visit on Monday. Basically, they determined that the issue is plantar fasciitis. They aren’t sure, but I am happy to join in on that bandwagon as it is in-line with what I have thought this entire time. He has been feeling well the last 3 days and I'm hoping it continues.

I had an amazing birthday party last night and was once again reminded of what wonderful friends I have here in Juarez. The beauty of it is that I might not have been friends with all of these women had I have met them back in the US, but because we bonded over our situations, I now have friends that may not have the same view points as I, but I love nonetheless. That is a gift from God because I think the best friend you can have in this life is a friend who is willing to disagree with you.

I was on one tonight and ran out of wine but had no intention of pausing my felicidad so I asked my husband to take me up to S Mart for a bottle. I love going to S Mart late at night. We live on the edge of Campestre here in Juarez and S Mart is on Vicente Guerrero so a late night grocery trip involves bumping elbows with Campestre fresas. I don’t now why, but I really love to observe the rich of Juarez. This isn’t what I even want to talk about though. I was leaving the store and Gordo put in my Alternativa #3 mix CD which got me thinking.

I don’t know if it’s from the drugs I did years ago, but every once in a while I get these intense flashbacks and I certainly had one tonight. Suddenly I was back in the 8th grade and on the phone with a boy who I thought I was in love with. I'm listening to some angst-ridden alternative music and drinking a beer I stole out of the fridge from my step dad. I was genuinely afraid, wondering if he would find out, as I talked to the boy for 7 hours. I don’t know in detail what we talked about, but I know I’ll remember it for years, as I still remember that it was the conversation of my life. We talked about our families and theology and love and life, but I can’t remember the details that left me so enamored. This seemed to happen all the time.

I never forget these conversations or question their importance. This morning I was in bed with my husband and asked him if he ever had such an experience when he was a teenager. He bursted my bubble by telling me that they didn’t even have a phone at their house until he was in his 20’s. Back to the first world…

These conversations shaped my future. They made me who I am, even if I don’t recall the details. Every time I listen to Everclear or Red Hot Chili Peppers or the Smashing Pumpkins or Third Eye Blind, I remember these late nights, tip-toeing into the living room for the phone, and covering the cord with my blanket in a pathetic attempt that my mother wouldn’t realize I was still talking at 4 am. What I most remember is that I was longing for the love of a boy during those conversations. I wanted a certain boy. I wanted a boy who acted just so, and thought just so. It was all I desired and all I thought of, thus motivating these late night conversations that lasted for hours and hours.

I’m the fool because I just realized that I got that boy. I am such a fool because I have had him for over 7 years and it’s just now come to my attention. My husband is everything I could have ever desired, even as a dreamy, unrealistic, fickle, 13 year old girl. He is caring and street smart and thoughtful and observant and funny and understanding. He is the man I dreamed of as I sat in my bedroom on Paseo Way listening to the Dizzy Up the Girl on repeat.

1 comment:

  1. This is such a lovely post, Em. I wish I had some intelligent response but I just smiled and smiled at how wonderful and reflective this is.

    And Happy Belated Birthday!