Sunday, May 12, 2013

Shit I Don't Get About Mexico

1. People who creep down the left lane on the highway. Albeit, we don't really have a a highway here, although there are several four lane roads that I consider the highway and it is a common place for people to be strolling along in the left lane like they're in a fucking school zone, even though the speed limit is 80 kph.

2. Leaving indoor dogs outside. A chihuahua is not a watch dog. He's not going to deter anyone from breaking into your home. Why is he freezing half to death in the back yard in December? I don't get it.

3. Never being on time. Why is it perfectly acceptable to show up for a 3:00 birthday party at 9:00?

4. People covering their mouths from the cold. I'd understand if it was like below zero or something but it'll be in the freaking 70's on a Spring morning and you've got all these people running around town holding a fucking scarf over their mouth. "Es para no enfermarse," Gordo always tells me when I roll my eyes at him for doing the same thing.

5. Women wearing tiny clothes that don't fit. I initially thought that this was a result of a complete lack of plus size clothing stores in this country but as we found our way around Juarez more I learned that this was not the case. There are certainly bigger options out there, they just don't get taken advantage of for some reason.

6. Men and women being separate at parties. It is a given that all the women will be inside the house, most likely in the kitchen, while all of the men are outside. And don't even think about trying to take a stand and mix things up or you will be looked at like the psycho hippie feminist slut that you are.

7. The feminine hygiene aisle. There are more options for toallas higenicas than for cereal. Sup with that?

8. There are no self service gas stations. Are the people of Mexico incapable of pumping their own gas? No. Maybe the Pemex pumps are super sophisticated and much too complicated for the average Joe errr... I mean average Juan?

9. You cannot pay your bills online or mail in a check either. That's right, here we go to the gas station, or the grocery store to pay our bills. The electric bill, the water bill, you name it, gets paid at the store. You hand your bill over to the cashier who takes the money and then stamps your bill and/or gives you a receipt for your payment. You can even add minutes to your ridiculously over-priced Telcel cell phone right there while you pay the cable bill from the comfort of your local grocery store.

10. Where are all the lemons?

25 comments:

  1. Lol love it, I agree with it all! :)

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  2. Haha, I love this and agree with them all. The men and women separate at parties really bothers me too. Especially if my husband is the only person I know at the party. We do have lemons here however.

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  3. hmmm, i've never noticed none of that, but I alwayz have a friggin blazt in Juaritoz! Being forced to live there though, that juzt may make anyone see/find negativity...I reckon :)

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  4. Ha!!! So true!! I also live in Juarez, although I love it here I myself often wonder where all the lemons are at? And according to my husband and his family, the yellow lemons are "lima" while the green ones are "limones". I don't get it. Isn't it the other way around? Any how about the bills, they have to be paid at least 3 days before they are due to be able to pay at an oxxo or rapiditos bip bip, but most of the time I get them when they are due! Muchos saludos!!!

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  5. So funny because out of my 3 trips there to visit hubby's relatives I experienced 6 out of the 10 things on your list every time! I hate the party deal about men with tha men and women with tha women and have brought this up to my husband several times. And OMG he does #4 - now I know where he gets it! That bugs me like crazy! He will also cover his whole face at night or try to cover my face along with his at night while we are sleeping in bed under the covers (especially if it is cold outside) and I HATE that! (not sure if this is related) I CAN NOT stand feeling smothered or suffocated.

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  6. Ha, ha! The men and women seperate at parties thing cracks me up! So true! I've always had mostly male friends and prefer to be outside laughing at dirty jokes and drinking cerveza...if that makes me weird, so be it! Whenever my actions are questioned I simply state, "Soy gringa", discussion over.

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  7. Hahaha so true about the scarf around the mouth, my abuelita always made me cover my mouth she said I will be breathing the cold air and will get sick specially if you are running. Love this Em.

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  8. Where indeed are all the lemons. And what's up with all the mayonaise?

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  9. I just discovered your blog, and I love it. What is up with numeros 5 and 6, anyway? Have you ever noticed that there are so many stores devoted to massive tan, elastic, bandage-looking foundation garments that are designed to hold every bit of flab on your body in place, but then you look around and see nothing but big women in tiny clothes with post-baby bellies hanging out of them? Who is wearing these giant foundation garments? How are these shops staying in business? And don't even get me started on the segregated parties thing. The men would always be talking about politics, and I'd be stuck listening to the women sing Jenni Rivera and talking crap about their husbands. It's not socially acceptable to hang out with the men, either. Not even to avoid the singing.

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  10. Hi, listening to your story on this american life pointed me to your blog. I really enjoy it.

    Just to let you know, you can pay your bills online or have them be automatically paid using your credit card. Open up an account at a mexican bank and either sign up for online banking or get a credit crad a use it to pay your bills. The service is called "domicializacion" or "domicializar tus pagos".

    Hope this helps!

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    1. So I was really prepared to tell you that you were crazy and you can't pay your bills online until I read the FINE PRINT!!! For example, on my electric bill www.cfe.gob.mx What the... Looks like I can totally pay my bills online!! Thank you for this comment :) We have a MX back account and I'm really excited about this now. Thanks again!

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  11. I discovered your blog after listening to your segment on This American Life....I really enjoyed listening to your story, admired your courage to relocate to Juarez and appreciate a gringa who has enveloped herself in latino culture. I too speak fluent Spanish, studied in Ecuador and used to say that I was born Latina in my past lifestyle. Good luck to you guys and you have such an infectious laugh!!!

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  12. Just wanted to tell you that you. are. amazing. :)

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  13. Ha! So true. Noteworthy things I'd like to report having been a Gringa in Guadalajara:

    1) Men holding machine guns at the corner of the bank.

    2) Federales riding in the back of pick up trucks holding machine guns

    3) It's perfectly fine to drink water while vising someone's ranch or country house, just not in the city

    4) The super 80s way that bouncers select who gets into a club and who doesn't -- cash tips & looks.

    5) Despite all of the means of communication available in this country, most Americans are still AMAZED that some Mexicans have blue eyes and blonde hair -- not to mention a lot of money.

    6) People are A LOT more street savvy. As the proverb goes -- shrewd as snakes and harmless as doves.

    7) It's REALLY hard to go shopping for cute, in-expensive trendy and not trashy clothes.

    8) The Mexican diet is surprisingly similar to the traditional American diet (IE pot roast and veggies). Except... where are all of the salads? It's impossible to find a salad.

    9)We've got lessons to learn from Mexican politicians about effective grassroots marketing

    10) It's funny that little old conservative ladies use "un poquito de tequila para la garganta" as an excuse to throw it back.

    Emily -- Enjoy your time in that crazy, mystical country. It's hard, but try not to yearn for what you had or what you will have because there'll be a day when you live here again and you yearn for there. :)

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    1. Lol, for the most part I feel like I have the best of both worlds. It's rare that I yearn to be here or there because of the lifestyle. Generally I am just wishing my WHOLE family could be together. When I'm with my husband I miss my son, when I'm with my son, I miss my husband, etc. I hope you have a chance to check out the post that goes along with this one: http://therealhousewifeofciudadjuarez.blogspot.com/2013/06/shit-i-love-about-mexico.html

      Take care!

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  14. I lived in Brazil with my Hubby after he voluntarily departed the US. #6 and #10 always kept me wondering there. I hated parties for the very reason that the only person I really wanted to be near and talk to, my husband, was off with the men while I was expected to be with the women.

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  15. Emily just FYI try and visit, www.jmasjuarez.com , www.cfe.gob.mx , www.telmex.com, and what grind my gears it's that you cannot pay the Gas Natural online even when it's a private company

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    1. Thank you! Someone else mentioned this to me as well and I'm just kicking myself for doing it the old school way all these years. :) Thanks again!

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  16. Emily I just love you!

    Mexicans do limes, not lemons. And for us they are "limones" but if you want "limones amarillos" then you have to specify.

    The whole covering of the mouth is crazy! and it cracks me up!

    Also, sometimes people don't shower when they have a cold until they get better ha!

    I was NEVER allowed to eat milk and any fish in the same meal lest I get food poisoning because "no van juntos! no se mezclan!" haha!

    You're hilarious! I am devouring your blog!

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    1. Haha, that's interesting! I had never heard of the milk/fish thing but my husband has told me I cannot eat pork within 4 hours of when I am going to sleep or I will spontaneously combust. I'm glad you're enjoying the blog :)

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  17. I ask myself the same thing all the time... there is EVERYTHING but lemons here.. lmfao ur funny

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