Friday, April 12, 2013

Adiós Tocino

Everyone who follows me on Facebook knows that I'm a lush, bacon lover who likes to have Netflix marathons while I take tequila shots all day. I have a big surprise. That's just part of me. Before I moved to Juarez and before I began this blog, there was this other girl. She came along in between my battle with drug addiction and my obsession with Barro's Honey Hot Chicken Wings. She likes to lift weights and can tell you how many calories there are in a grape.

She's just as obsessive as the Emily you know, but in a different sense. She takes it from far left to far right and sometimes her husband calls her Señorita Conejita because she shoves handfuls of spinach in her mouth before she sits down to dinner. She is easily motivated and loves to motivate others. She finds alcohol to be a waste of calories and would rather get high from running 5k without stopping than from smoking a joint.

She buys skim milk instead of whole and doesn't understand why people put caffeine in their bodies. She can teach you how to squat in perfect form and can explain why strength training is just as important as cardio. She can recreate all of her favorite fried bar foods with Fiber One cereal and an oven and can tell you which beer has the least amount of calories.

She can help you calculate your BMI and tell you when there will be another half marathon in your neighborhood. She likes her ice water with lemon and her sugar natural. She knows what type of fabric wicks the sweat off from a good workout and how to do a herkie in perfect cheerleader form.

She takes Trader Joe's vitamins and worries about the sodium content in Frank's Red Hot Sauce. She  questions the instructor's form while watching work out videos and knows who Les Mills is. She gets up early in the morning to do aerobics and can tell you how many calories equal a pound.

She bakes things instead of frying them and knows what it's like to be morbidly obese but she doesn't let that define her. She'd rather use mustard than ketchup and never waivers in her preference. She can teach you how to get the most out of your heart rate monitor and tell you which techno songs have the ideal BPM for running.

You might not know her, but you will soon. Don't worry, I think you'll like her.


  1. I can't wait for all of her advice. I am going to need it in the coming months.

  2. She sounds bad ass! I can't wait to meet her! :)

  3. I love all facets of Emily but I look forward to this one!

  4. Btw... I imagine your man is fine with a little junk in the trunk. U look beautiful.