Monday, July 25, 2011

Home Bittersweet Home

I'd like to preface this blog by saying that I have nothing important to say tonight and I'm in a nasty mood.

My life is torn in two different directions because of immigration. I know it doesn't seem like it to some because I don't talk about it much but I miss my family dearly. Not just my family, but my son. Yes I have a son and he lives in the US with my older sister. He has been living with her for years though; it is not due to the fact that I am here in Mexico. I would happily raise a child here in Juarez, but now's not the time. I won't go into why my son lives with my sister, because it's all so painful but it has much to do with my colored past. I felt the need to mention it and I suppose there's no time like the present. I have a lot of emotional turmoil that I suppress because the way things are is the way things are supposed to be and curling up in a ball crying about it all day won't change anything.

Anyway, I just got back from a long overdue trip to Missouri where I got to see my son, my older sister and her boyfriend, my nephews, my mom and step-dad, my 2 younger sisters, and a close friend from Arizona who was coincidentally in town on business. It was the first time I saw any of them in over a year. It was a short, 5 day trip but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. There's not much I can say other than the fact that I had an incredible time. We didn't do anything particularly special and that's usually the way I like it. There's nothing I would rather do with my family than just lounge around the house and enjoy each other's company. It will be a year before I see any of them again due to my work/vacation schedule. Hopefully after this next year I can go back to doing more regular visits.

5 days in the US can be a real eye opener in many ways. Part of me longed for Mexico the entire time I was gone and for the first time ever, it wasn't just because I missed my husband. Setting aside the obvious joys of being with my family, I took the time to appreciate the bath tub and being able to walk around barefoot and seeing all the greenery and eating real pizza and sleeping in and not having to wait in line for anything more than some fast food. On the other hand I missed being able to walk to the corner for tacos at 10 o'clock and the humidity drove me crazy and the gas was expensive and everything seemed so cookie-cutter. I even missed speaking Spanish and found myself speaking it to no one in particular or on accident to others on many occasions. Interesting revelation.

I should be relaxed and content after this vacation, but I'm not. I'm completely stressed from an insane first day back at work and missing my son like crazy and exhausted from the commute and angry at the world because I can't hook my washing machine up to the spicket and I cut my thumb 7 times trying to. :sigh: Remind me that I am lucky I don't have to hand wash. Please.

There's not much else to say. I'm sorry this blog is so random with no sense of direction or purpose. I suppose that's just how my mind is working tonight. I'm going to spend the rest of my evening trying to get out of this bad mood because bad moods are for suckers.

Life is what you make it. Life it what you make it. Life is what you make it.


  1. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It is difficult to go back to the real world after a vacation. Things may look better in the morning.

  2. Its ok to vent Emily, that is what this blog is for! I am so glad that you got to spend time with your family and your son I cant imagine how hard it is to be away from him. Javier also has a son that lives with his mom, but poor thing has not been able to see him in over a year also. I hope you have a better day tomorrow and that your finger heals up.

  3. that's what i was going to say, "Life is what you make it.'

    get it girl. maybe u just need to rest a bit and tomorrow will be a new day.