Mi Casa

It's been a roller coaster since Day 1 but regardless of what is going on or where we are or where we wish we were, I always feel at home when I am with Ray. We've moved 8 times in the last 8 years. We've gotten over illnesses, racism, death, separation from our children, drug addiction, immigration bars and so much more. Sometimes it feels like we've conquered the world together. I may miss the US at times, but I never really feel homesick as long as we're together. The past couple of months have reminded me of this, big time. I know I've already blogged about this recently, but my heart is full and I have a little more to say.

Because my husband can't travel to the US and I can't afford to take 2 vacations, we always vacation separately. He goes to Parral in the summer and I spend my time in the burbs of Kansas City. Always apart. He takes his 10 hour bus trip alone. I drag my overstuffed luggage through the airport alone. He greets his family at the Central Camionera with kisses on the cheek, "Que muchas saludas de Emily." I hug my family on the curb of KCI, "Gordo says hi and he wishes he were here." I suppose it's not as lonely as I'm making it sound, but when we're not together, somethings not quite right.

I'm not a hopeless romantic and we definitely aren't the types to stroll through the streets of Juarez hand in hand, sneaking besos or anything like that, but we belong together. That's blatantly obvious to both of us whenever we're apart. We've been vacationing separately for 20 of the the last 35 days and damn it if I didn't miss that little fucker. On the 2nd weekend he was gone, I felt as though I was beginning to lose my mind. I'd gotten over the thrill of being able to have a Real Housewives marathon on Vimeo without listening to his complaints or cooking whatever I felt like for dinner. After just a few days of living like a bad ass bachelorette, I was tired of having no one to bicker with, no one to make me laugh.

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In 2007 my husband was given a voluntary departure by ICE. Given. Now that's a funny concept, isn't it? As if it were a gift or something. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later. How long can you live in the shadows of Maricopa County under the reigns of Sheriff Joe before shit hits the fan? I should have expected it. I should have been prepared. Well, I wasn't. I actually did lose my mind that time around.

After crying hysterically on the phone with my mom and on Skype with my dad for hours and hours and having the panic attack to end all panic attacks, I went into a state of deep depression. In the months that followed I spent my days staring off into space at work and crying quietly to myself far too much. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to talk to anyone but my closest friends and family. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to be. Not because I'm so dependent that I can't handle being without him for a period of time, but because I had no clue how long that time would be. Initially, I didn't know where he was, or if he was safe, or scared, or lonely, or even when I would see him again. I felt more out of control than I had ever felt in my life. And I am one hell of a control freak. He was stuck somewhere in the system and without any documentation, without a Social, he was just a ghost, just another immigrant lost in the in-between. All I could do was sit, and pace, and cry, and wait.

When he finally called me from a pay phone in Nogales, it was as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. He was alive. He was back on the map. He was going to be okay. I scrounged up just enough money for a bus ticket back to Parral, and for a brief moment, all was right in the world. I knew he was safe. It was in that moment that I also knew I had done the right thing and that this man was the love of my life. This is when my life was forever changed, because I knew that sooner or later, a change was gonna come.SC

I would be moving to Mexico.

I wasn't able to move right away. We had to save some money first. We realized, without a doubt, that we couldn't be apart. I think that up until this point, up until this separation, a part of me thought we might be able to do the long distance thing that so many of my friends in mixed-status marriages have been able to pull off. I would take frequent trips from Gilbert to Parral, we would Skype every day, absence makes the heart grow fonder, you get the idea. But once we were in the thick of that separation, I realized that a long-distance romance wasn't an option for us. I don't know if it's because we're not strong enough or because our love is too strong, but I knew we wouldn't last. Not like that. And so began our plans to move to the border.

Flash forward 5 years to today... I was doing an interview with a reporter from the El Paso Times and the reporter asked me if I had any regrets about marrying my husband, if I had any regrets about moving to Mexico? I was almost surprised at how quickly I responded. How could I regret any of this? How could I regret that we wanted to be together so much, that we loved each other so much, we fought for what we wanted, for what we were meant to have? We did whatever we had to do to stay together. How could I regret following my heart? I can't and I never will.

We're not some super couple. Even after all these years of fighting to be together, we still fight with each other like any other couple. Even though we came home from vacation missing each other like crazy, it only took a day or so before we started arguing about who forgot to feed the dogs, or who forgot to lock the deadbolt on the front door or what movie we're going to watch on Movie Night. Sometimes I feel like we should be a bit more grateful for our love and quash the arguments before they begin, but let's be honest. We're not that mature. I'm certainly not that reasonable. He's certainly not that logical. I guess that sometimes this is what it's like when you find your media naranja, your soul mate. You become best friends. You fight big but you love bigger. I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out, but I finally realized why I love Ray so much... why I followed him to Juarez and why I'd follow him to the end of the Earth.

He is my home.

Ley Seca

Since moving to Mexico there have been quite a few surprises as I learn more about the culture. Ley Seca was one of the biggest ones. Ley Seca translates to "Dry Law" in English and prohibits the sale of alcohol for 24 hours prior to an election day and throughout the election day as well. Feels so 1920's, doesn't it? I guess the point is that everyone should be sober and clear headed before they go out and vote? 

Makes sense... right?

When we were out and about today we saw all of the liquor sections taped off or covered in plastic entirely at SMart, Soriana and Superette. Yes, we went to all of those stores today trying to find a place to pay our water bill a day late. In the past I probably would have been pissed off at the inconvenience but it was really to my benefit today. All I really wanted on this hot afternoon was an ice cold beer but I'm trying to stick to 1 drinking day a week and last week I had 2. Oops. Happy 4th of July?

Of course this ain't my first rodeo and I know there is a booming black market for alcohol during the elections. But who wants to pay 30 pesos for a can of Tecate? Not this gringa. Nope, I'm off to bed with a clear head.

¡Sola, Sola!

So last night I dropped my husband off at the Central Camionera. He went to visit his family in Hidalgo del Parral, Chihuahua. It's about 8 hours South of Juarez. He's gone a couple times each year since we moved to Mexico but for some reason I feel a little different this time.

On a completely different subject (yes it's the second paragraph and I'm already shifting gears) I was driving back to the house and there were Transitos everywhere. After some years in Mexico I seriously feel as though I have been traumatized by Transito because you could probably feed and clothe a small Haitian village on the mordidas I've paid alone. I was really distracted trying to drive as I hate driving down Tecnologico (or Super Mario Kart Rainbow Road as I like to call it) and I think I got all the way to the Tecate Ball (as Cortney calls likes to call it) before I started to cry.

It just hit me how much I really do love my husband. I know it sounds silly because for most people the simple fact that I moved to Juarez makes it pretty fucking clear that I'm in love, but I swear, sometimes I just forget. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I do. I think in any marriage you can get caught up in everyday annoyances or be worried about bills or the kids or random household issues, and simply forget why you said, "I do" in the first place. And let me tell you, I am easily annoyed. I want to be that laid-back, go-with-the-flow, type of person, but the truth is, I'm not.

I'm uptight and controlling and emotional and for some odd reason, Ray puts up with all of that. That's something I forget at times. Anyone who knows us well knows that we bicker and banter back and forth constantly; that's just how we are. I think that's why so it's easy for me to forget how much I love and appreciate him. I'm really sad that he's going to be gone for a week but I'm happy that he's getting the chance to see his family. Right when he gets back I will be going to Missouri to visit my family, including a lot of people from Illinois that I haven't seen in years and years.

It's really frustrating that we can't vacation together though. Ray can't go with me to the US and I obviously dedicate all of my vacation time to see my son and my family. Sam's my priority when it comes to "free time." Yet, it's equally irritating that we've been living in Mexico for about 3 years now and he's gone back to Parral several times and I never have the vacation time to join him. Before we moved here I honestly thought I'd be able to go all the time but it just can't happen. It sucks. I want to be a part of those visits and get to meet the rest of his family and see where he grew up but time and money just doesn't allow it. It's really frustrating.

It's definitely going to be a crazy week without my Gordito. I'm going to try to concentrate on sticking to my plan of exercise and eating healthfully... mejorando mi ser and what not. I'm also going to try my hardest not to get Jack Sparrow drunk like last weekend, but I can't make any promises. After all, it is me we're talking about here.

I really hope you are all doing well. I'm sorry I haven't been writing as much as usual but I am just really caught up with my new lifestyle. I work out every morning at 4 am and then 3 or 4 times a week I work out again in the afternoon after work so my time has just really been consumed with that. I will definitely try to blog more often and keep in touch. I have a lot of family that follows my blog and I have met some other amazing readers recently so I definitely want to keep you all in the loop. I've definitely had some amazing experiences in Juarez in the last couple of months that I'd like to blog about, so stay tuned!

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Shit I Love About Mexico

1. "De verde, de verde, de rojo, de rojo, de dulce, de dulce, calientitos tamales!" How did I ever fall asleep without hearing this sort of thing? I love the sound of Mexico. When I first arrived, having come from the quiet suburban town of Gilbert, Arizona, I hated all the noise. It drove me insane and kept me up at all hours of the night, eventually leading to a questionable Benadryl addiction. Over the years, I've grown to love it though, including the barking dogs and late night soccer games. Last night I fell asleep to the sweet sounds of children chanting, "Piedra, papel, tijeras, un, dos, tres! Piedra, papel, tijeras, un, dos, tres!"

2. Street food. I probably don't need to elaborate but for anyone that didn't already know... Food Network can take their food truck wars and shove 'em up their ass. Mexico is where it's at. Hamburguesas, hot dogs, elotes, burritos, tacos, gorditas, quesadillas, paletas, you name it, Mexico's got it. Well, except pizza. They're still working on that.

3. Mexicans are the most warm and accepting people I have ever met. They have welcomed me into their country with open arms, which is nothing like the greeting that I am accustomed to Americans giving Mexicans and certainly not like the greeting my husband was given in the US. I don't get dirty looks, or judgemental remarks in passing. No one laughs at me or rolls their eyes when I mispronounce a word in Spanish or have to make hand gestures to explain myself. No one seems to judge my interracial relationship or make assumptions about me as a person because of where I came from.  All in all, I have found Mexico and it's people and culture to be extremely inviting.

4. I love the easy access to movies. There may not be a Redbox at every gas station and drug store in the country but you can sure as hell get a movie on every street corner, if you know what I mean. #winkwink Not only do we have our pick of all the popular American blockbusters, we can choose movies from Spain or Italy, Japan or Venezuela, the film world is our oyster! And if you do decide to go to the theater? Oh. My. God. Cinepolis, which is the more popular choice, is the best movie theater I have ever been to in my life. Huge, plush, reclining seats, all of the yummy movie theater treats that you can get in the US (with an unlimited supply of jalapenos of course) and if you are in one of their VIP theaters, you can even order an adult beverage in the middle of the show, from your very own waiter. It's pretty bad ass.

5. Health care for the everyday Joe, err Juan, is extremely accessible. I cannot say it's of the best quality, but if my husband gets the flu, or sprains his ankle, or needs to get a cavity filled, it's all covered at no cost to us, including prescription medications. That is a huge relief considering the cost of medical care in the US is absolutely atrocious. Even though I am not covered myself, I'm still able to take advantage of it to some extent due to the availability of low priced medications everywhere you turn. The biggest benefit for me has been being able to get the allergy shots that I could never afford to get in the US. Nowadays I'm rarely the wheezy, red-eyed girl I was back in the States.

6. Tecate and tequila. These are as much of a staple as beans and tortillas are in many Mexican households. You can use them to mourn the loss of a loved one, marinate your meat or celebrate a bauptismo. Yup, I may be #thenewme, but I'm still me!

7. Northern Mexico is home to some of the most delicious cheeses in the world and I love me some cheese, but then again, who doesn't? (Read Oral Sex Or Cheese: The Truth Revealed for some hilarious stats.) Queso Menonita is a local favorite although I personally prefer Asadero. Regardless, you can find whatever you fancy on almost every street corner, like almost everything in Mexico, if you haven't noticed by now. Add it in your burrito, on top of your tacos or in a simple quesadilla; there is nothing quite as exquisite as queso Mexicana and I certainly never found anything comparable in the dairy section of a US grocer. This ain't no Kraft if you catch my drift.

8. The park! I absolutely love to hang out at the park here and celebrate... anything. Birthdays, Easter, Fourth of July, whatever. It doesn't matter what the occasion is, fun is to be had. The parks are always full on the weekends and on a major holiday? Fugetaboutit. Plan to be shoulder to shoulder with everyone and their mother... and her primo and her primo's primos too. I probably enjoy it so much because I grew up going on frequent camping trips and for Juarenses, it seems that a day at Chamizal is about as close as we're going to get. And I'll take it! There's nothing quite like biting into a big chunk of carne asada, fresh off the grill, and drinking beer secretly from a soda can as you laze around all day in the sun with your friends.

9. Soccer and its followers. Now let's get this straight, I don't really like soccer, but I love what it represents for Mexico. I enjoy watching sporting events for the most part, but a soccer game (match?) would fall somewhere at the bottom... right under golf. But the camaraderie that this country shares over their beloved deporte is undeniably endearing. I love that when I run around doing errands on a Sunday morning, I pass by no less than 9 soccer fields and every single one is being played on. People of all ages are running back and forth, leaving nothing but clouds of dust behind them, as it's rare to see fields with grass around these parts. The crowds of amigos and padres and tios and primos drink their Coca-colas and eat their Taquis as they cheer wildly from the sidelines. Then whenever Chivas or Cruz Azul is playing a televised game, you can actually hear your neighbors cheering and swearing and screaming bloody murder from inside of their homes. My husband rarely makes me watch a game so it's always somewhat alarming when I suddenly hear a booming "GOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLAAAASSSSOOOOOO!!!!!!!" and hoots and hollers coming from all of our neighbor's houses simultaneously. Although it's not really my thing, there is something so charming and comforting to me about the soccer obsession here in Mexico.

10. My absolute favorite thing about Mexico is that from what I have experienced, Mexicans don't live to work, they work to live. This is a refreshing difference from the American perspective and is something that really caused me to sit back and take a look at my own life and priorities. I think there is a lot to be said for adapting to that theory in one way or another. Since we moved here I've slowly begun to put a little less focus on my 9 to 5 and more focus on my quality of life and time with my family. I think that has drastically changed my outlook on life in general and is something that a lot of us can really benefit from in more ways than one.

X-Fest 2013

I had a fantastic idea. Like many of my fantastic ideas, it was a horrible idea. I was going to go to X-Fest and take all these badass pictures and do a long blog telling you all about it. Fantastic idea.

They have been building "La X" for years. They started working on it right around the time that we moved to Juarez in 2010. Nobody knew what the hell it was. At least, no one I knew. I heard all sorts of different stories as to what it would be. A new rock climbing wall for Parque Extremo. Part of a country-wide group of sculptures which spelled out M E X I C O. Just a statue. Nope. Turns out, it's going to be a Ciudad Juarez history museum and eventually a restaurant. Surrounding La X is a plaza where they will be holding concerts and other events.

My favorite picture of La X during construction. This was on March 10, 2012.

Apparently, there has been quite a bit of controversy surrounding the whole thing because the price tag on the damn thing was $6.2 million US. There are a lot of things that can be done for Juarez with that kind of money. I have mixed opinions because I also feel like Juarez needs something like this in the community to help it rise from the ashes of the drug war. It's something for the city to enjoy and something Juarenses can be proud of. Not everyone agrees. More about that here.

Now where was I... Oh yes. My fantastic idea. So as I'm driving home on Friday at around 6:10 pm, I pass by La X and notice that people are already filling the bleachers for X-Fest. Hmmmm. The event was supposed to start at 8:00. There was a lot of buzz around town so I knew it was going to be packed but now I was a little worried we wouldn't be able to get in. I was right to be worried...

There were posters plastered all over town!

Parking was the big concern and ended up being what prevented us from going to X-Fest. And our friends. And probably thousands of other people. La X is really cool and I am sure there will be some fantastic events there for years to come, but it's pretty obvious that they did not take parking into consideration. Or if they did have some sort of plan, they forgot to tell everyone about it. Oh but this is Mexico, and if I've learned anything over the years here, it's that Mexicans figure out how to make shit work. You give them a 5 passenger car and they'll make it a 12 passenger car. And in this instance, give them 50 parking spaces and they will park 7,428 cars.

People were parking on the skate park across the street, in shopping center parking lots several miles away, in front of the doorways of the Delphi factory, on the sidewalks, on the medians, even right in the middle of the damn road. People were actually driving all the way to the Santa Fe bridge, several miles away, driving up over the sidewalk and onto the bike trail that runs along the border itself, then turning around and driving back as close as they could to La X. I bet US Border Patrol was having fun with that. I love Mexicans. They get it done. I just gave up and went home. Obviously I can stand to learn a thing or two about determination but I was not about to leave my car in some dark alley and then walk 10 miles to La X.

And so, without further adieu, here are the fantastic pictures I took of the event that I didn't actually go to.

Slowly making our way to La X. 

Hmmm... is something wrong with my camera? Better clean the lense.

What the hell? The camera is broken. No baby, it's the dust,  my husband tells me.
No way, let's try a picture in the car. 

Oh. Damn it WAS the dust in the air! Bienvenidos a Juarez.

Gordo doesn't like this game.

Yup. Still dusty.

Gave up on finding a parking spot and watched X-Fest on Canal 44 from the comfort of my living room.

If you care to see what it really looked like out there on Friday, here's a picture taken by someone with a brain.

Picture courtesy of http://www.tiempo.com.mx/_notas/c1440901

Shit I Don't Get About Mexico

1. People who creep down the left lane on the highway. Albeit, we don't really have a a highway here, although there are several four lane roads that I consider the highway and it is a common place for people to be strolling along in the left lane like they're in a fucking school zone, even though the speed limit is 80 kph.

2. Leaving indoor dogs outside. A chihuahua is not a watch dog. He's not going to deter anyone from breaking into your home. Why is he freezing half to death in the back yard in December? I don't get it.

3. Never being on time. Why is it perfectly acceptable to show up for a 3:00 birthday party at 9:00?

4. People covering their mouths from the cold. I'd understand if it was like below zero or something but it'll be in the freaking 70's on a Spring morning and you've got all these people running around town holding a fucking scarf over their mouth. "Es para no enfermarse," Gordo always tells me when I roll my eyes at him for doing the same thing.

5. Women wearing tiny clothes that don't fit. I initially thought that this was a result of a complete lack of plus size clothing stores in this country but as we found our way around Juarez more I learned that this was not the case. There are certainly bigger options out there, they just don't get taken advantage of for some reason.

6. Men and women being separate at parties. It is a given that all the women will be inside the house, most likely in the kitchen, while all of the men are outside. And don't even think about trying to take a stand and mix things up or you will be looked at like the psycho hippie feminist slut that you are.

7. The feminine hygiene aisle. There are more options for toallas higenicas than for cereal. Sup with that?

8. There are no self service gas stations. Are the people of Mexico incapable of pumping their own gas? No. Maybe the Pemex pumps are super sophisticated and much too complicated for the average Joe errr... I mean average Juan?

9. You cannot pay your bills online or mail in a check either. That's right, here we go to the gas station, or the grocery store to pay our bills. The electric bill, the water bill, you name it, gets paid at the store. You hand your bill over to the cashier who takes the money and then stamps your bill and/or gives you a receipt for your payment. You can even add minutes to your ridiculously over-priced Telcel cell phone right there while you pay the cable bill from the comfort of your local grocery store.

10. Where are all the lemons?

Supermarket Sweep

This blog is probably going to be really boring for people who don't live in Juarez but I've been wanting to write it for the longest time. Before we moved to Mexico I looked into every aspect of life on the border. Trying to figure out the cost of living here was my biggest concern and there wasn't a whole lot to go by. I remember Googling, "food costs in Ciudad Juarez," and all that came up was blog after blog about the prices at grocery stores in Baja. There was one blog in particular that compared the prices of food at several popular chains in Ensenada and ever since we've been here I've wanted to do the same thing.

I can't even count how many conversations I've had with people about this here in Juarez and everyone seems to have a different opinion. Walmart is for rich people, Soriana's better because you can use your points card, S Mart has the best selection, no Soriana has the best selection, etc, etc. We could go back and forth all day so I decided to put an end to the debate with a little experiment. I made a list of some staples that are always on my grocery list and went to work!

I started at Walmart, a store I had only been to twice in Mexico because God knows I spend enough time at the El Paso Walmart. Soriana was next. It used to be my go-to store because I always assumed it was the cheapest. I finished off at S Mart, where I've been shopping exclusively since I started my healthy lifestyle because the quality of their produce is by far superior to the other stores. Right when you walk through the doors of these stores you see things like this...

Pretty convincing right? Normal people wouldn't argue with that kind of evidence but clearly I'm not normal. I spent the last week trying to figure out how to publish a spreadsheet directly to this blog but haven't had any luck so you'll have to click the link below to see the results. I used the same brand for comparison whenever possible and noted that accordingly.

The Supermarket Sweep Experiment

There wasn't a huge difference in the final totals but if anything was clear it was the fact that American convenience food prices are ridiculously high at times. Here are my 2 favorite reminders that it's better to eat like a Mexican: