My Spring Break In Pictures

My son showing off the speaker he made for his iPod... out of Legos!

I got to cook quite a bit at my mom's house, which is one of my favorite things to do.

These boys are getting so big!

 

 

Sam and his boxer, Drake, are best buds.

I made this SUPER simple cheese Danish casserole with Sam's favorite crescent rolls.

We love to play card/board games at Grandma's. This one was pretty cool but my fave is Rack-O.

I love all of the quirky décor at my mom's. She's badass.

I had a blast horsing around with these 3 boys. <3

My parents' backyard as the late March snow began to fall.

Because my nephew is awesome and so is cheese.

Hitting up Original Pizza, my favorite restaurant in Blue Springs, Missouri.

This one speaks for itself.

Waiting at KCI for my flight to Dallas and it's really coming down hard
but unfortunately my crappy phone camera didn't capture that.

I was sitting on the ground feeling sorry for myself when this amputee came by on crutches.
#perfecttimingGod #thankyou

I'd never boarded a plane when it was snowing this hard!

They had to ice down the wings 3 times!

I made it to Dallas alive and was left with 6 hours to drown my sorrows in a Cinnabon and stare at my feet.

The aftermath of a week of rough-housing with the beast that is Drake.
It was well worth it.

 

 

Came home to a lot of homework...

 

 

The dogs get stressed when one of us leaves on vacation.
Now that I'm home, Lucy can finally relax and take a much needed siesta.

 

Airport Adventures & The Power of Positive Thinking

I got to the airport on Saturday around 4:00 pm. My first flight was originally supposed to leave at 5:40 but after 11 text messages from Southwest Airlines about changes to the flight time they finally determined that we'd leave at 8:10 pm. I was sad, as usual, not because of the delay, but because I was leaving my little boy and that's always ridiculous. It's so irritating and I can't even begin to explain the feeling. I can't really explain my family situation to most people. They don't seem to understand. I immediately came into the airport and went to the Tequileria and did 2 double shots of Jose Cuervo Tradicional. About an hour and a half later I still wasn't feeling any better. Shocker.

I heard a lot of people speaking Spanish. A group of 3 women and a man were taking pictures outside in the snow because Kansas City was in the midst of a blizzard. They were drinking a six pack of Bud Light and I still can't figure out where they got it from. They were just sitting right outside of the airport doors, drinking their beer. I kind of gave them a heads up by letting them know that you're not allowed to drink beer in the doorway of KCI but they didn't seem to care. They were in Spring Break mode. Clearly. Then I sat on the cold tile floor next to a payphone which I'm sure no one cared about because no one uses payphones anymore. Underneath the phone booth was an electrical outlet which was the 8th outlet that I'd tried to put my phone charger into and the first outlet that actually worked. I didn't get to sit in any of the comfortable faux leather seats with electrical connections but ni modo.

I bought a pack of cigarettes because I was so stressed out about leaving my family. This is nothing new. I smoked my cigarette and watched the Mexicans get in trouble for drinking outside the gate and met Wild Bill who works for SWA. He came right outside with a big smile on his face and told me that he was "chipper." Being that I was still in Missouri, I wasn't sure if he was telling me his nickname or describing his current emotional state but he confirmed pretty quickly that he was just happy to be getting off of work. He told me that he had 4 Budweisers waiting for him in a cooler in his car and fully intended on drinking a few roadies and taking the back roads home. He said he was really excited because he had a beautiful girl and a bottle of Bourbon waiting for him at home. My kind of guy.

I wasn't supposed to leave Kansas City until 8:40 but somehow got put on a flight at 6:30 so I was pretty excited. When I boarded, our pilot, Paul, was outside helping put our bags away (in the snow) so that we could leave earlier. Ain't that some shit? If the pilot's actions don't give it away, the flight crew made it clear that I was on a plane full of bad asses. They were hilarious and that bit of humor was just what I needed to brighten my day. Southwest has a rep for having a quirky staff and Flight 2092 sure didn't let me down. It's hard not to laugh when you hear, "If you want a reading light, press the overhead button with the picture of a light bulb to turn it on. However, if you press the button with a picture of a flight attendant, it will not turn us on." With so many people in a nasty mood over the flight delays, this was the perfect example of the power of positivity because the crew's humorous introduction and safety display clearly made every passenger's anger melt away. That happiness lasted a while but when we found out that we would be stranded in Dallas until 1 am due to a snow storm in Denver, the anger and frustration came back to us.

I love to watch the camaraderie of strangers during a flight delay. Nothing bonds people more than being angry at the same person or organization. At that point, everyone hated Southwest, no one was ever flying Southwest again and Southwest was full of shit and lying about the weather delay. It's all their fault and we hope they rot in hell. All I could do was laugh. Wanna be friends till we board?

It's ridiculous but I love to see strangers talking to each other. It's usually those who would have never spoken to anyone on the flight if everything went as planned. But because of a delay, there is this common bond. Children are teaching random strangers how to download and play Angry Birds and their parents are turning the other cheek. They just smiled and nodded in a situation that would normally warrant a, "don't take candy from strangers," speech. People start deserting their luggage to go to the restroom and leave their cellphones plugged into a free outlet at the next gate over, where they can't even see it. It's pretty hilarious.

There was an interesting mix on this flight. It's always interesting when you're traveling to the Borderland. It was mostly army wives and typical El Pasoans. Basically, it was a flight full of down-to-earth people who were more than willing to make new friends. I got some really weird looks as I called my mother in law though. Something about the random white girl speaking Spanish just gets the people going. Whatever. I was just trying to distract myself from the fact that I had to leave Sam from the millionth time.

I really wanted to wash my hair but the bathrooms at this airport sucked. There is nothing I hate more in airports than faucets that turn off automatically and bathroom stalls that open inward. Dallas Love Field is the worst airport to get stuck in during a late-night delay because not only do their bathrooms suck (can you say carpeted walls?) but every single kiosk, store and restaurant closes at 9:30 pm. Luckily, my absolute favorite thing about the Dallas airport is not the restaurants but the boot watching. This is where I've seen the most bad ass boots ever. Weird boots, cowboy boots, stiletto boots, boots with sweater material, come fuck me boots, boots for days. I don't know why but I truly enjoy watching them. It's a fucking boot show! I know. I'm crazy. But at this point, I'm just trying to think positive thoughts. Boots baby.

These are my airport adventures. I get to have these adventures quite a bit but it just makes me so sad that my husband can't join in on any of it. I travel quite a bit, going back and forth from Mexico to Missouri a couple times a year and taking trips for work. I always seem to be by myself. Traveling alone. I see all the couples in the airport and I just can't help but be a bit jealous. I fantasize about my husband being "legal," one day, and being able to travel with him. That would be fantastic but for now it's just another dream that's sitting on the back burner.

He's never even been on an airplane before. When that day does come it's going to be pretty fucking exciting. I just know that it will be so amazing that it's going to be worth all of the waiting. Sometimes I feel like most people who get to travel with their loved ones are taking the whole thing for granted. I see all sorts of couples fighting in the airport and they're pissed off because their flight is delayed and this, that and the other thing. You know, they're mad because their Hawaiian vacation is being put on hold because of a snow storm and I'm just looking at them, dumbfounded, thinking, "How can you not be ecstatic that you're here with your husband or wife?"

It's just another one of those situations that God has put me in in life for whatever reason and it makes me truly be grateful for the little things. It's reason 428 why I am happy that my life has had the ups and downs that it's had because it's just made me a more appreciative person . So I guess I'll just keep on dreaming and taking my flights and maybe one day, Gordo will be sitting next to me on the plane.

Report cards and man cards

Ever since we moved to Mexico my husband has been talking about how much he wished he would have gone to prepa (high school) and that with prepa under his belt, he would be able to get a much better job. So of course he was excited when he found out that his maquila would pay for him to attend school and even held classes that worked with his schedule, right there on site. Much to my surprise, the registration deadline came and went, and he never signed up. I didn't push him because I knew that there is only one thing that I bothers my husband more than his Mexican salary and that's his Mexican education, or lack thereof.

This is one of those things that swipes his man card right out from under him. It's a sensitive subject. I knew that if I meddled, he would be offended. He's quick to assume that I judge him for not finishing school. He sees his wife, who got almost 15 years of a top notch education, and just assumes that I must have some underlying opinions about his intelligence. I'm not making assumptions here, we've had this conversation a million times.

What he doesn't fully grasp is that my pre-college education was free of charge (with the exception of the years I was in Catholic school by my mother's choice) and a completely different experience than his. I went to school for 7 hours a day instead of his 4. I had tutors available when I was struggling. I had all of the supplies I needed and resources like the Encyclopedia (years later the internet) and a library card. I wouldn't even begin to compare my schooling in Kansas City/Rockford/Tempe to that of his in Hidalgo del Parral. How could I? His perspective is skewed and I'm not sure how I can get him to see the bigger picture.

The registration deadline for prepa came and went several times, but finally, he enrolled, and began classes in January of this year. He came home from his first day of classes looking defeated and I felt horrible. He wanted to understand every concept in an instant. His first classes were Algebra and Chemistry. I was able to help him with his math homework to some extent, but it was a struggle. I'm good at Algebra, thanks to countless tutoring sessions with Mrs. Mann back in the day, but let's be honest, I'm not a good teacher. Why is it that I can train new employees to excel in their careers but am somehow incapable of explaining what x equals to my husband? I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe it's not my inability to teach rather than the fact that there is too much emotion and tension with the subject of education in my house? I can't figure it out.

We struggled for a few weeks before I realized that this is something he is going to have to do himself. I stressed the fact that it took many years for me to fully understand certain concepts. I got him a couple of notebooks and mechanical pencils and showed him how to search for instructional videos on YouTube and printed out a copy of the Periodic Table. After several weeks I found that all I could do was show him my support and then let him loose. I pressed the issue of him staying after class to talk to the teacher and explained how much I struggled in school to get the good grades that I did.

It's been a couple of months but I feel like we've finally turned a corner. He's stopped turning to me for answers and explanations and started seeking them out on his own. I haven't had to ask him if he needs help and he seems to have figured out a homework schedule that works for him and I couldn't be prouder. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to suck up your pride and go back to school after so many years. I have several friends who have done it, in addition to my husband, and I just cannot commend them enough. I know it's such a struggle to fit in work schedules and children and everything else that comes in with life as an adult. Let's just say that thinking about social sciences and geometry is something I haven't done in a long time.

At the end of the day, I am so proud of my husband. I hope that he knows that. I hope he realizes that I commend him and think he is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. I don't measure intelligence by college degrees framed proudly on the wall, nor by resumes or big vocabularies or report cards. I measure it by understanding and life experience and love. Hopefully when he reads this, he sees that, yet remembers the power of education and all that it provides.

The 15 Unwritten Rules of Border Crossing

1. Don't leave more than 3 feet of space between you and the car in front of you.

2. Don't cut in front of me in line.

3. Don't ask your children to peek their cute little heads out the window to ask me if you can cut in front of me.

4. When driving into Mexico, do not drive over the curb, or on the shoulder of the road, so that you can cut in front of people. That shoulder is for emergencies such as a break-down or an ambulance. Just get in the line like a normal fucking person and then the entire line can move fluidly as it's meant to and I don't have to spend 30 minutes listening to constant horn honking.

5. Do not fall asleep in line, we're all tired and don't want to get screwed and cut in front of because you stayed up late.

6. Do not honk your horn at Customs and Border Protection. It doesn't help. If anything, they feel offended and work even slower.

7. Do not spend so much time purchasing a burrito/newspaper/rosary/whateverthefuck that people have the opportunity to cut into our lane.

8. If you are a pedestrian, do not ask me (a complete stranger) if you can get in my car, because you don't want to wait in the pedestrian lane.

9. Do not get in the Ready Lane if you do not have an RFID enabled card.

10. If you feel like blasting your music, that's cool, but kill the bass because I'm kind of hung over and it makes me want to vomit.

11. Do not stare at me unless you are checking out the fact that I am the sexiest beast you've ever seen. Find something to do other than staring at other people. Read a book, balance your checkbook, Tweet something. Figure it out.

12. If you can't read your book, do your make-up or check your Instagram and pay attention to the line at the same time, don't do anything at all. I've got places to go.

13. If you see someone broke down in line, and you aren't in a rush, stop and ask them if they need help. Maybe they just need jumper cables and don't have them. Maybe they just need to make a phone call and don't have a cell.

14. If you have a bottle of tequila in your car, just freaking claim it. The tax is probably only a dollar; definitely not worth a big fine.

15. Have your passport ready before you approach the CBP station. You've had an hour to prepare yourself, not sure why it's so hard to have your identification ready.

I wish the Aduana Mexicana and US Customs and Border Protection would pass this shit out... Seriously, what does a girl have to do to get a pamphlet made? Maybe a billboard?

You richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities

I should be honest and say that although part of me wants to reflect back on my busy week that was filled with far too many activities, mostly I just wanted to use a quote from my favorite movie as a blog title. This is what happens when I have an early morning John Hughes marathon.

Since moving to Mexico, I've become the type of person that doesn't like to have a lot of plans. That's not to say I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type, I just mean that I am incredibly lazy. I like to go to work and come straight home every day and then maybe do something with friends over the weekend. I don't like to get involved in too many things and have come to find stopping at the bank on the way home from work inconvenient. I know. I'm weird.

Last weekend was filled with going to El Paso to attend Congressman O'Rourke's town hall meeting. Myself, and some other American Families United members had a chance to follow up on the conversations that took place in DC last month. I also got to ask him directly, with the cameras rolling, how he felt about spouses of US Citizens who have been exiled to other countries and whether he thought they should be included in the upcoming reform. He answered with a big, "Yes," and I really feel that we have his support. Sunday consisted of far too much cleaning and doing laundry all day and then in the late afternoon we did more Spanish interviews for an upcoming radio project. Hopefully they turn out okay because my voice was still really iffy after having been so sick.

My work week was pretty hectic and started out with an interior completion on a termite job. That set me up to be sore for the rest of the week with all of the bending up and down and being on my knees. My hats go off to termite technicians because that is hard work. I still can't understand how they do that every day! The company limo is also in town for this weekend's home show and my boss and I picked up a soldier and his daughter on Fort Bliss and took them out for ice cream. They really enjoyed it and everyone on base got a kick out of our silly looking limo. I didn't really know a lot about the day to day life of an American soldier so it was an eye-opening experience for me. Right after we went to the West side to meet an 89 year-old Navy veteran and his wife of 65 years. It was really interesting to get a glimpse of the life of a veteran. There are 80,000 veterans residing in El Paso so I think it was important to hear their struggles as well. It takes such a selfless person to fight for our great country and I appreciated the opportunity to really thank these people, face to face, for their service.

I also got a chance to do an interview with KTSM this week and I thought it was a really positive experience. I was able to speak on behalf of AFU and I thought the article was well done. Immigration issues involving US Citizens and LPRs are such a huge issue in El Paso and Juarez because mixed-states families are such a commonplace. Even the reporter herself had a father with multiple deportations and could relate to our situation. I'm glad to have had the chance to speak out in the community.

This week would've been fine but I also over committed with some writing projects and helping Gordo with his homework and the long wait to come back into Mexico each evening practically ate me alive. I realize that most people's lives are like this; full of commitments and activities. I must be a rare breed because I just can't handle all that and that's why I'm not heavy in activities. I like to keep my life as simple and uneventful as possible. Not sure what that says about me but I am so glad that the week is over and now I can sit back, relax, and hang out with my friends. Well, as soon as I clean the house, write an article on Veteran Appreciation, do all the laundry, work out, and prepare dinner. #life

Back in the Ring

The last time my sweaty hands grasped the steering wheel of a car with this much gusto was about 11 years ago. We were driving anxiously and fearfully from Arizona and I had just caught my first glimpse of West Juarez when I looked South of I-10 as we drove into El Paso. I saw the Asarco Tower and run down houses and dirt roads and poorly clothed children playing with a ratty old soccer ball and was amazed, for the first time, by how close it all was to the US, yet so far.

This drive was different though. I knew where we were going this time and I could barely contain my excitement. I didn't know what I should show him first... Maybe the East side because the newer parts feel a lot like Gilbert. But there are pockets on the West side that remind me of the quaint streets in downtown Scottsdale too. Or should take him up Scenic Drive first so he can see the whole picture? It doesn't really matter where I take him first though. I can't believe this is happening. We've waited so long for this that there really isn't a thing in the world that matters more than just relishing the moment. I've been in this same line thousands of times but this is the time I've been waiting for, the time I never thought would come. It's our turn. To be honest, I can barely keep it together.

I look at the familiar window washers and the men who have been offering me burritos and sub-par newspapers and sodas every morning since before I can remember. For some reason they look different today but I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe because I know I won't see them every day anymore? We got in that line that the American government wanted us to get into and finally it was our turn. Our turn. It's like the end of the line that I can't even explain. It's not like waiting for hours at the DMV or waiting for 2 hours to go on the best ride at Disneyland or even like being on the waiting list to get into the school of your dreams. It's like getting in line for the life of your dreams. How do you describe something like that? It's the end of the line for endless opportunity and possibilities. I choke back my tears as I thank him for putting up with me all these years. I can't believe he dealt with the emotions and the tantrums and my spoiled, entitled nature. I can't believe we made it. I'd complained about waiting in this line so many times that I feel like a jerk because this time around, it seems to pass faster than I can exhale. Actually, I have to keep reminding myself to breathe.

After what seems like mere minutes it's our turn and we pull up to be inspected. I lose it now and am thankful that it's an agent that I know. He's joked with me many times over the years about driving mouse cars and how is life in Juarez and is my name really Emily Rose and how was my exorcism? He's surprised to see someone else in my car. I hadn't been through his station for a while so I didn't have the chance to tell him we were coming. He asks me where we're going and I try to tell him but the words flow out of me like vomit and they are all strung together in a haphazard ball of mush.

We're going to the United States.

I can see he's a bit teary eyed when I introduce him to my husband for the first time after so many years. Instantly, he knows what this day means. He knows what this means. I can't keep it in anymore and I begin sobbing uncontrollably with joy. Nervous laughter mixed with snot. He sends us to secondary inspection as we had anticipated. He puts out his orange cone out and walks over with us. There's a satisfied grin on his face as he watches the inspection. We are waved on and advised that we can park the car in the lot ahead as we go into the office to present my husband's packet. He goes up to the window with the most important manila envelope that I've ever encountered in my life and comes back to me as a new man, with a new lease on life.

 

__________________________________

 

This is the dream that I play out in my head, over and over. Sometimes I feel like I'm this ray of positivity and have embraced life in Mexico so much that I've gotten over the notion of ever living in the US. But then I realize that I may have accepted our lot in life and I may not feel bitter or angry on a daily basis, but I want this as bad as anyone else. I think about living in the US more than you could ever imagine. I look at the El Paso real estate ads on a regular basis and fantasize about what it will be like when we buy our first home, when we can stop living check to check, when my husband can sit down to Sunday dinner with my parents and Sam.

That fantasy is just as present as ever. I haven't forgotten. I'd just grown tired of fighting for a while. As I've mentioned many times, it gets exhausting. When your every waking thought revolves around immigration, it's like a big part of who you are dies to make room for this warrior. It's been 8 years since I met my husband, almost 6 years since we've married and 5 years since I realized he wasn't eligible for a green card. It's been a while. I am 8 years, 4 immigration forums, 85 blogs and 7 protests deep in this. I'm tired, yet feel like I haven't accomplished a damned thing.

Even so, in the last couple of weeks, a fire was relit inside of me and my cynicism has been put at bay. American Families United and my blog readers have relit that fire. Just when I thought that no one cared about us or about the thousands of other mixed-status families who are living outside the US, I was corrected. We may have been forgotten by our government during the buzz of immigration reform but there is still a large group of activists who are pulling for us. I met with Congressman Beto O'Rourke's office to discuss immigration reform with some fellow American Families United members last month and was touched by the stories I heard. I was reminded of the misconceptions of immigrants once again and brought back to my roots. It's been a very, very long time since I was active in this fight. I used to go to protest rallies, waving my poster boards like a madwoman, calling my senators and congressmen, signing petitions and joining every organization I could as I yelled violently, "Screw Arpayaso!" Yet upon moving to Mexico, it was like the activist within me said, "Ummm... can we take a nap?"

I think it's time to wake up.

AFU had a monumental event on Valentine's Day that kept people like my husband and my friends in mind. I wanted, with every thread of my being, to join them in DC but was stuck here in Juarez and only able to take some cookies and a card to my congressman in El Paso. Regardless, I was consoled by the fact that I knew I was well represented. AFU has done me proud, yet again, and I am so thankful for that. Words cannot express my gratitude. I am so thankful to be a part of this organization and it seems like it's almost our turn.

It's been a long time since I've had the hopes of changing my personal situation or the bar that my husband faces. However, after listening to the stories of other members, I feel so compelled to continue with this fight. I had given up, lost hope and just accepted our situation. But I think it's time to get back in the ring. If not for me, for everyone else who is in this mess yet struggling with it so much more than I am. I have been blessed to have been able to adjust to life in Mexico so easily, but I know that isn't the case for most.

I have been moved and inspired by those who are so passionate about this cause and feel that I have no choice but to try and make our voices heard as well. Above all, I have been inspired by certain people who have come into my life and upon finishing their own immigration journey, they have continued to fight. It actually blows my mind. There so many who have suffered in similar situations and were able, in one way or another, to overcome all odds and find a place in the US to call home. And for some uncanny reason, some of them didn't forget about the rest of us. They didn't forget about the people who continue to pine for happiness and unity and I can't even begin to describe how much that means to me.

Just when I thought the fire inside me was gone for good, you all handed me a match. Gracias.

For Randall, Marie, RJ, Laura, Raquel, Emily, and everyone else who has continued to fight for those in the shadows, even after your own American Dream was realized to some extent. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for never forgetting where you came from or where you want this country to go.

Emily Cruz? Present!

I cant believe its been over a month since I've checked in with all of you! My trusty old  Dell finally kicked the bucket and I wasn't able to buy a new computer until now. I'm going to miss that computer. She and I shared a lot of tears and laughter and about 428 glasses of wine, but it was time to move on. I switched to an HP which just arrived on Friday and so far, I love it, Windows 8 and all.

We moved into this house a year ago, and if you remember, I was ecstatic. The rent was almost double what we were paying but I fell in love with this house and was prepared to do anything I could to make it work. We lowered the minutes on our cell phone plan, cancelled the cable and got rid of my mailbox in El Paso so that we could afford the extra cost. Once we got settled in we started looking into different internet companies because that is one luxury I refuse to live without. We looked into Axtel and (begrudgingly) Telmex and were appalled to see that we would be paying as much for just internet as we would for internet AND cable with our old provider, Cablemas. In the end it didn't matter. Whoever was living in this house before us left a hefty tab with all 3 of those providers.

In Mexico, bills stay with the property, not with the tenants. If the former tenant racked up a huge electric bill then the next tenant (or landlord) has to pay that debt before you can get the electricity turned back on. Yup. The concept blows my mind but it's the norm here. And so, despite various trips to Cablemas and arguing on my part, we have been without internet for the last year. Basically I had been relying on open networks that my laptop would pick up so obviously it was hit or miss. Sometimes a week would pass without connection. It was annoying to say the least. Sometime over the summer I made another desperate visit to the Cablemas office where I demanded to speak to the supervisor's supervisor. After a lengthy debate she agreed that we could resume services when a year had passed since they cut off the previous tenants' services.

Of course when we went into the office last weekend we were told that we must have misunderstood and that we would still need to pay 9,000+ pesos to set everything up. Of course I asked to speak with the supervisor and thankfully she remembered me and the agreement. Should have gotten that in writing, huh? Really, that wasn't the only thing I should have gotten in writing. This whole thing wouldn't have happened if we had a notarized rental agreement in the first place. Cablemas, and presumably other companies, accept a notarized agreement as proof of your move-in date. I guess this is another one of those "Mexico lessons" for me. Now I'm just happy to put it behind me and enjoy all the Netflix and Nat Geo that my little heart desires.

We've had so much going on in the last month that I'm sure it's going to take me a bit to catch up with you all. There are huge changes on the horizon for immigration reform that I'd like to talk about and Gordo started school! Both obviously warrant their own posts. Unfortunately I have caught a pretty nasty cold so I will have to play catch up later. I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!