Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Final Countdown

One of my fellow bloggers, Andrea, over at Life on Mars... I mean TJ, published a post earlier this week about her impending move to Tijuana. She is planning on leaving the US next month to reunite with her husband and described her current state as being, "Exhausted. Sad. Excited. Homesick. Frustrated. Nervous." As I read her blog post, I was taken back to the month before we left for Juárez.

We were in the final countdown. The house was all packed up and had been for some time at that point. In my pathetic attempt to feel like I had some sort of control over the situation, I concentrated all my efforts into the act of packing. The furniture was disassembled and protected with bubble wrap. Because we were leaving during monsoon season and had an open trailer, I purchased 20 gallon Rubbermaid totes to use instead of regular boxes. I bought red and green totes on sale after Christmas, 8 months before we planned to leave. I carefully labeled all of the containers and stacked them neatly in what used to be our dining room. By that point it looked like a full blown warehouse.

I spent every second of 2010 plotting and planning the move because I knew if I stopped concentrating on the actual move itself, I would have to start thinking about what would happen after the move. Looking back, I really can't believe I had the balls to do what I did. I'm not an adventurous person. At the time, I wasn't a faith based person. I didn't trust that everything was going to work out. I had no idea what would happen after we got to Juárez. And that right there is what changed me and made me into what I believe is a better version of myself today. I had to embrace the fact that I don't know what's going to happen. I can't control everything. And that's okay.

However, when people reach out to me about leaving the US to reunite their families after a deportation, I always tell them the same thing. Some days it's not going to be okay. Some days you are going to be curled up in the fetal position wondering what the hell happened to your life. Some days you are going to miss the US so much that your heart aches. Some days you will feel spiteful towards your spouse for the entire situation. Some days you will question why you moved at all and kick yourself for making such a stupid decision. But every single day will be worth it, I can promise you that.

Because it isn't a stupid decision. It's a brave one. And at the end of the day, when you lie down next to the person you love, you will remember why you were so brave. As you see your family grow together without walls or borders between them, you will know you made the right decision.

I don't envy Andrea's state right now. The uncertainty, the insecurity, the fear of the unknown. But I truly believe that George Addair was right when he said that, "everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear."



9 comments:

  1. http://www.kcrw.com/etc/programs/uf/uf140516a_long_way_from_home
    Brand new radio show about not just Emily's move to Juarez, but the lives of a bunch of her friends who did the same. It starts around 18:47 or 28:47 or something. Just came out.

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  2. I don't envy my state either... except that I have done ZERO packing of what's left here. I already took some down there. I'm running out of time, and now I'm freaking out, "Agh! I forgot to get the dog's shots updated!"

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    1. Andrea... don't freak out. Well, okay, I suppose that's a given. Your day is almost here and I am so excited for you. Looking forward to following your journey on FB amiga :)

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  3. I remember being there 3 years ago. I did just like you did, Emily. I focused 100% on packing and organizing everything. I remember my mom asking me what I was going to do here. I told her that I had no idea, but I just knew it had to be ok. I doubted God would allow me to move here if it was not the right thing to do. Here 3 years later, I have felt everything you said above and more. I have also learned that this has been hard, but I have learned so much and I don't regret our decision at all.

    Andrea, things will fall into place as they should. I know how nervous and scared you more than likely are. Good luck on your packing and move! I am now going to read your blog!

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    1. Lol on the whole mom thing. I told my mom the same thing. You can only plan so much...

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  4. I going to jump in and say that part of the problem is living so close to the U.S.
    The wages, the inexpensive food and clothing, the "good life" is just a few miles away.
    I moved to Mexico city for 12 years, and felt none of that. Now, I am a guy, and i was only 23 years old when i moved, and i did not have children in the U.S. nor was dragged or deported to Mexico. I was excited to go, loved being there, and only returned to the U.S. about every 18 months.
    Again, my experience was very different from yours..

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    1. Being on the border, so close to the US does play a factor in it all. But deportations and immigration issues are really the bigger piece of the puzzle. Like you said, your experience is very different. Doing something because you want to and doing something to keep your family together are very, very different and that right there is definitely what makes the experience of forced expats and chosen expats so different.

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  5. How is it you have more fans commenting on your blog than I do and I moved to Mexico in 2006? Life is unfair...

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