You know what I hate? When you are in this situation, living in another country, and you’ve given up everything you thought you wanted for what you really want, and you write about it all for everyone and their mother to read on the internet, you can’t always say what you want to say. Your relationship is under a microscope and every time your husband pisses you off because he had a bad day or you had a bad day, or whatever, there is someone right around the corner telling you to leave that illegal immigrant and that you deserve better. This drives me to insanity at times. It’s probably worse because I am well aware that I am the irrational and overly-emotional one, and 9 times out of 10, I’m the one that’s wrong in the argument.
What is it like to be in a relationship where you aren’t constantly reminded about someone’s citizenship or the fact that they make a dollar an hour? Or is it always like this? If it’s not citizenship, it’s social class and if it’s not a dollar, it’s eight?
Sometimes I just want to be able to mad about trash that didn’t get taken out, or money we don’t have or a new outfit that went unnoticed without it turning into a heated political debate.
Is that so much to ask for?
Emi, thank you for posting this. It pisses me off that people even ask about someone's status when you talk about who you are married to/dating. Just because someone is Latino or has an immigration situation does NOT mean that they are using you for papers or that your love for one another can't be real. I can't say that I totally feel your pain, but I can somewhat relate. But you know what? You are stronger than all that hate. They are hating because they want what you have - a happy relationship. End of story. Love you, girl!
ReplyDeleteI know where you are coming from, I had to deal with that forever! I finally went off on the poeple who would mention it and told them that personally, it was none of their damn business if Miguel was legal or illegal and that atleast if he was illegal, that was his only crime not like all of the MFers they were dating who were out doing drugs driving drunk, etc!! After that, they shut their moutns, they didn't like being forced to face their situation too much!
ReplyDeleteI recently started reading your blog and love it!. Do not listen to haters, they just want what they can't have. BTW, I love your new house!
ReplyDeleteNo Emily, it is not too much to ask. Nationality and immigration status does not define your relationship. Love does. And with love comes arguments about taking out the garbage. You are entitled to vent about these things just as much as a real housewife of orange county is.
ReplyDeleteI think you really hit the nail on the head with this post. People in relationships have disagreements, both minor and major, and it does no one any good to blame the normal disagreements and irritations of life on culture, nationality, or politics.
ReplyDeleteTo some extent, I think there will always be people to remind you of your differences. My husband had been in the US legally for over ten years and he's fluent in English, and people *still* persist in acting as though our marriage is some sort of social welfare experiment. It's hard sometimes, to go out expecting to have a good time and have someone say or do something to make one of us feel very unwelcome. That said, it really does show you who your true friends are.