How to Deal

I have been getting a lot of questions lately about how I am handling our immigration ban and how I can deal with the cruel fact that some people are allowed to live in the US with their spouse and some are not. It all comes down to where you were born and the luck (if you want to call it that) of the draw. I spent a lot of time being pissed off and jealous when I saw a "regular couple" (two US Citizens) fighting over something stupid or complaining about their lives. I couldn't bear to see someone upset about their small problems when I knew that my problem was so... massive. I had my moments of bitterness, trying to figure out why I was dealt such a bad card in life.

Then one day, I was particularly upset with the world and on my way to Rubio's to pick up dinner because I didn't feel like cooking. Surprise, surprise. Now let's ignore the fact that I am feeling sorry for myself even though I am so privileged that I have the option of getting take-out when I'm too tired/lazy to cook (that is a whole other enchilada my friends.) I pull into the parking lot and am literally in tears thinking about everything going on at the time when I see a man in a wheelchair. He has no legs and he is trying to open the door to some Gyro restaurant in the strip mall. He practically fell out of his wheelchair trying to open the door and not one person who was eating on the patio dining area got up to help him. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Now this was a man with real problems. Suddenly I realized that my conflicts were so "first world" and I had to move on with my life. I bet that man in the wheelchair wasn't as miserable as I thought he was. He was probably just happy to be alive. Feeling sorry for myself and playing the "woe is me" card wasn't going to get me anywhere.

It has been over 3 years since we learned we were 9C and this incident of realization happened just a few months ago. So for those of you who just found out the reality of your situation, please don't think I am a cold-hearted bitch. At some point you too will come to accept (to some degree) the hand you were dealt. Of course, we are just now putting a dent in the ban so that sucks, but we had to save money before we moved and I am so happy we waited. Even now, we stopped the process after our I-130 approval so we still want to schedule an appointment with USCIS so we can get the official ban as well as show the Consulate that we are indeed outside of the US.

As for handling the ban... all we can for now is suck it up and carry on with our lives. It may sound incredibly harsh and insensitive, but remember, I am not some outsider passing judgment; this is my life. There are almost 7 billion people in this world and only 300 million live in the US. And everyone else, well, they live. I try to remind myself that not everyone yearns to be a US Citizen and there are millions (dare I say billions?) of people out there who are perfectly content and feel fulfilled and blessed in countries other than the US. Some are happy, some are sad. Some are failures, some are successful. Some are rich, some are poor. It's all in how you view things.

And so we are trying to move on with life and stay positive. When I married my husband it was till death do us part. There were no stipulations in our vows as to where we got to live till death. :) So maybe we are living in the murder capital of the world, maybe I have to wait 2 hours to cross the border for work, and maybe my husband only makes $250 US Dollars a month. But we love each other, we are together, we are living our lives, and that is all that matters. I am no stronger or braver than the next person. I'm just me and I am doing the best that I can.