7 Years

Seven years ago today, I was sitting on the balcony of a friend's apartment in Mesa, looking out into Pioneer Park and wondering what the fuck I was going to do with my life. It was almost peaceful to look out at the green grass and mature trees but the occasional flicker of light as someone hit their crack pipe kind of ruined it. I had just woken up and my morning rituals were playing out as usual. Cough for about 40 minutes. Brush my teeth and try to get that nasty taste to go away. It never did. Stare at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while, admiring how thin I'd gotten. I wouldn't stare for too long though. Sooner or later I would start focusing on my eyes that once sparkled but were now sunken in with dark circles under them. No. I couldn't stare too long.

I went out to the balcony to meditate for a bit. I'd had epiphanies on these balconies on multiple occasions. One time I even saw Jesus Christ himself walking across the water of the apartment's swimming pool. I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep for. Maybe a couple of days. My New Year's resolution to quit doing drugs had ended with me leaving Ray in a fit of rage, feeling sorry for myself and the shitty life that I had been dealt and smoking an 8 ball of crystal meth by myself in the back bedroom of a crackhouse. I somehow made it back to Abraham's where he offered me a joint to calm myself as I finally came down and tucked me into bed.

Waking up after a meth binge was always the same. The motivation of the day was always the same. How am I going to get high again? I almost always worked. I would jump from job to job rather quickly though. It never took long for companies to realize I was an addict. Sometimes they noticed the scars on my arms first. Usually punctuality was the issue though. I quickly smoked up any money I made in the call centers. I couldn't make it from paycheck to paycheck. I thought I was better than all the other drug addicts though. I thought I had ethics and morals. I thought I was smarter and less addicted because I wasn't a thief or a whore. Maybe I was. I doubt it. Regardless, I refused to steal or prostitute for drugs. After all, I was better than the rest of the lot, right? I had my standards.

At first, I applied for credit cards. Lots of them. $300 here and $750 there. I would take out as much as I could in cash and then use the rest of the credit to make purchases which I would sell to all my Mexican neighbors. All the paisas said I was so smart. "¡Ayyyy guerita, que lista eres!" I thought I was pretty smart too. Then the credit card companies caught on and started denying my applications. That didn't take very long. This is when I moved onto payday loans. That got me through another month, tops. A title loan was next. 3 more weeks of bliss. Eventually I had tapped out on all of my loan options and was left with an insatiable addiction for methamphetamines and the ridiculous idea that somehow, I could have it all. I just hadn't figured it out yet.

I smoked my last bowl while having a movie marathon with my drug dealer. We had just finished Belly and were 30 minutes into Requiem for a Dream when it came to me. I should sell crack. Duh. He didn't like to sell crack because he didn't like to deal with crackheads. They come around too often he said. They try to pay with loose change he said. They're too unpredictable he said. He preferred dealing with meth and heroin and pot and pharmaceuticals. Not crack. What if you send the crackheads my way? He thought it was a horrible idea. He rambled on for a bit. Something about not tainting my innocence. Something about being too good for this business. I wasn't hearing it.

It was a brilliant plan. I didn't smoke crack so there was no way I would use up all my product. If we would have just finished the movie, none of this would have happened. But this is the way my life played out. Selling crack kept me high for another few months. I didn't have to work in the call centers anymore either, so I didn't have to worry about schedules or any other nonsense. I could stay high for as long as I wanted. I would usually stay up for about 3 days and then sleep for a day. I was living the good life. I was so high that I never thought about my family or what happened with Chris or really anything at all. I did what I wanted and ate what I wanted and smoked what I wanted and slept with who I wanted.

Eventually my dealer's apartment got raided. I was actually watching over his place while he was out for the night so the narcs knew of our connection and searched my place too. I had just woken up that morning and had sold everything I had the night before. There was a bong with residue of meth on my coffee table though so they decided to hold me. I spent the night crouching on the sidewalk with zip-ties around my wrists but was released with no charges. This wasn't the first time this happened to me. I don't know why I was never charged with anything. Even the times that I was taken down to the city jail, I was left to walk to "freedom." Is this the grace of God? Is this because the cops were trying to concentrate on the big fish, not people who accept pennies for a dime bag of crack? I'll never know. As I made my way back to my apartment I knew that this was it. There were no more loan options or entrepreneurial ideas or pyramid schemes that could keep me high. I toyed with the idea sobriety. That didn't sound very fun though and I was all about fun. No. I decided I would ride this out. Something would come to me.

I picked up another job at a call center and decided to move far, far away with my new Sinaloan boyfriend that was fresh off the line. We moved 2 miles South on Mesa Drive. He didn't do drugs when I met him. Shortly after our move he asked if he could take a hit from my pipe. He just wanted to know what it felt like. That was pretty much the end with Antonio. I never dated men who did drugs. Not after Chris. Never again. He went off the deep end after that and I can't help but feel responsible. He left in a paranoid fit but I decided to stay in the apartment and I'm glad I did because this is where I would eventually meet my husband. A man who would question my morals and didn't tell me I was smart or beautiful every 5 seconds. A man who would tell me I was a fucking idiot for doing drugs and that if I thought I was special in some way then I was even more stupid than he had originally thought. I wanted him to move in almost immediately.

There was something about him. I tried to hide my addiction. I would wait until he was fast asleep before I crept out to the living room to get high. I thought I was pretty convincing. I would smoke bowl after bowl, hiding behind the couch, while contemplating sobriety and making To Do lists and painting my nails. I would slip into bed an hour or so before I thought he would wake up and sing songs to myself in my head and make plans to be a famous something or other. This is meth. On the weekends when he didn't work and was home all day, I would tell him that my stomach hurt and then go into the bathroom, place a towel along the crack of the door, smoke a bowl, and then turn on the fan to get rid of the evidence. I kept my bong inside of a tampon box.

Things started to unravel when he found a pipe inside the pocket of a coat hanging in my closet. I told him it was my brothers. I thought he bought the story. I may not have been a thief or a whore, but I sure was a liar. Standards baby. I don't have a brother. This was one of the many confessions that I made the night before we got married. You mean to tell me that you have 5 sisters and no brothers? Yeah. Sorry. Next confession.

Things started to go downhill after he found that pipe. In the days that followed he tore the house apart. He noticed the blackened Q-tips in the trash can and asked me what the fuck was wrong with my ears. I told him I had a rare disease that darkened my earwax. No shit. A broken wire hanger found on the floor of my closet with weird brown goo on the end? I told him I had used it to unclog the garbage disposal. He found empty seals behind the drinking glasses in the kitchen cabinet. I told him that they had contained a special medicine that you sprinkle on your food to help you lose weight. That lie wasn't so far-fetched but the gig was up. A few days later his brother followed me to my drug dealer's house by Pioneer Park and told him that either I was a hooker or a drug addict. Neither option sat well with him.

This brings us full circle. Christmas had passed and instead of taking ownership for my actions and realizing that I was really just missing Sam and embarrassed of my behavior, I decided to blame it all on Ray. I decided that it was his fault that I couldn't stop using and that I had to leave him if I was ever going to get better. I called an old customer that I knew had a truck and packed all of my things and as much furniture as possible and went back to Pioneer Park in tears. I was coming down hard when I asked Abraham if I could move in with him. I knew he was in love with me and I took advantage of that. I promised him that I was done with Ray and with drugs and that this year would be different. I tiptoed out of the house while he was sleeping that night and spent his hard earned grocery money on a twenty and a lottery ticket. I won $150 that night and the rest is history.

This is when I bought that last, notorious, 8 ball and had no where to smoke it. I ran into some guy in the park who said he knew where we could go. I think he was from Sonora. He took me back to his apartment where he smoked pot while I smoked glass and wrote a poem dedicated to my now husband about how sorry I was and how fucked up I was and how I wished it could've been different. It was very dramatic and alternated line by line from Spanish to English while still rhyming. Epic. I wrote it over and over so many times that I almost used an entire composition book. I finally opted for a perfect cursive version, scrawled beautifully in red ink with strategically placed hearts.

It was so epic that he still has the copy to this day, worn from folding and unfolding it countless times.

I can't remember much more from that night and I'm not sure how I got back to Abraham's. He was probably out looking for me but I can't be sure. When I woke up the next day, or probably a couple of days later, something was different. My heart felt different. After I went through my regular morning routine, something compelled me to go out on the balcony. Something compelled me to meditate. This particular day was different. I would usually focus, rather quickly, on my next high, but on this day, I questioned that motivation. I don't know why. I may never know, but this is the day when everything changed.

I came in from the balcony some time after, walked into the kitchen and grabbed a Sharpie from the junk drawer. I marched right up to the wall calendar featuring a gaudy image of the Virgin Mary, covered in glitter and jewels, and made a big fat X over January 12th, 2006.

This was going to be the first day of the rest of my life.

Drop Your Shotglass and Put Your Hands Over Your Head!

I came home from work early on New Year's Eve and had a chance to watch Dr. Phil for the first time in a long time. The episode was about New Year's Resolutions and the guests were 3 couples with different goals for 2013. One couple wanted to have sex more often but didn't have time because they were consumed with the responsibilities of parenthood. One woman wanted to lose weight but her husband was enabling her bad habits. The third couple had a failed business, were upside down in their home and dreamt of financial freedom. All I could think while watching was, "What the hell Doc? Where's the 4th couple? You know, the one with the wife that's addicted to everything?" All 3 of those things are on my list of resolutions! Well... not really the sex thing but a person can always use a little more sex, right?

Too bad Dr. Phil couldn't hear me.

It's no secret that I'm over-indulgent. No matter what I'm doing, drugs, eating, drinking, even working out, I do it to the extreme. My long time friends know that I go in lengthy spurts where I am extremely motivated to be a healthy person. I get so into the lifestyle that I can't ever imagine living another way. When we were living in Gilbert (post-Mesa, pre-Holy-shit-we's-movin'-to-Mexico) I would get up at 4am to go to my favorite Les Mills classes at Fitness Works, then go to work, and then hit the gym again in the afternoon. I know the calorie count to practically every food on the planet and can teach you how to strength train like a pro. My newer followers/readers probably have trouble believing this because I've been living the life of a gluttonous sloth for quite some time now, but I swear it's true.

I'm a happy indulger though. I don't eat or drink because I'm sad. Sure I've gone through some horrible things in life but I don't have low self-esteem or feel lonely or have some sort of pent up emotional issue that drives me to eat chicken wings. I wish I could unearth some inner-demon in a tearful set of push-ups with Jillian Michaels, but I think the truth is that I just like to celebrate. I like to eat and laugh and drink and be with my friends and not be stressed about the crazy realities of life.

The biggest change in me since moving to Mexico is that I have become a genuinely happy person. My outlook on life has changed and I feel so optimistic. In some ways that new take on life has backfired on me because now I seem to be able to find something to celebrate every-freaking-day. I've practically spent every day of the last 2 years like a superstitious Mayan on December 21, 2011. Whatever-I-Want-Wednesdays and Thirsty-Thursdays and Four-Shots-Fridays? It was a busy year with all the parties I was having in my head.

You know you have a serious problem when everyone on Facebook starts tagging you in pictures of bacon and wine.

My husband had several health scares in the last year that have made me think that I really do want to make some changes in my life. This time around though, I want them to be more balanced than the changes that I've made in the past. I am going to revisit the Faturday concept (or the 80/20 approach) because I think it's the most realistic solution for me. I dabbled with the idea last year but honestly never really put the plan to action. I don't think I was ready. I hadn't fully embraced my new life and was still in the adjustment and acceptance stage of it all. I feel like I'm ready now. I realize that I don't need to celebrate every single day and that if I continue to do so, I'm not going to have that many days to celebrate.

With all that being said, we will be making some big changes this year. My old friends at Spark People will probably be seeing me again. Although I'm not sure I will go back to blogging over there, I do realize that I need to journal things and track my progress to hold myself accountable. After all the medical issues he had last year, my husband is finally on board the Resolution Boat this year. He seems motivated to walk alongside me in this new journey and I think that having a partner in this new challenge will make all the difference.

We also have a big master plan to pay off our credit card debt which is a huge financial responsibility for us every month. We've devised a plan that will allow us to pay it all off in 2 years. Once that's taken care of we will actually have room in our budget for emergencies or maybe luxuries once in a while. I'm sure buying less Tecate will help too.

I'm super excited about this year. I want it to as amazing as 2012 was, but in a completely different way. I hope that everyone has had a chance to reflect on the past year and I want to wish you all a happy, safe and successful 2013!

Highlights of 2012

I got to watch, first hand, as one of the best friends I've ever had crossed the Mexican border, back into the US, with a fresh Visa in her husband's hands.

I got to hear my son play the harmonica, recorder and best of all, the guitar.

I saw my little sister Molly walk at her high school graduation.

I got to visit my besties back in Arizona. "Don't thank me, thank Truly."

I talked to my Grandpa David for the first time in years.

I got in the most random car accident ever and somehow, but the grace of God, didn't hurt anyone else.

My big sister got engaged! Finally. And can I say damn?! ;)

The company that I proudly work for hit $100,000,000 in revenue for the first time ever.

My son got an email address!

I lost some good friends and gained knowledge and new friends in the process.

My husband registered himself to go back and finish la prepa (high school.)

I met a couple of badass New Yorkers who gave me more confidence and direction in regards to what I want to be when I grow up. <3

A stranger paid for my order in the McDonald's drive-through, just because.

I learned how to make a pizza dough that I actually like. I'm not quite at Barro's level but I have acheived success with my calzones!

I passed all of the tests to get fully licensed in the industry I work in.

I watched the Mr. Jones video by the Counting Crows on YouTube 428 times and never got sick of it.

My Dad was in the US and had the chance to see my son for the first time in too long.

I spent an entire day on a pontoon boat with my parents, big sister, soon to be brother in law, nephew and best of all... SAM.

The world didn't end.

I spent the entire year with my husband, uninterrupted by ICE or court hearings or sentences.

Thank you God.

Not the End of the World

It's been a really good week. Obviously the biggest development is that the world didn't end. Score. I knew it wouldn't, at least not now and not like this, but it sure was fun to fantasize about last meals and bomb shelters and hoarding canned goods. Maybe next year. Even though I didn't truly believe the hype, I behaved as it was the end, although I guess I do that every day, and sure did enjoy myself in the process. I made tamales and love and got thoughtful gifts in the mail and read fantastic books and did puzzles and drank vodka and sent out holiday cards and care packages. The best part of the week was getting a chance to volunteer with my co-workers at a food bank. It was an amazing experience for me.

When my husband and I met in 2005 we were both a mess financially. He was a poor immigrant living with countless roomates and no documents that would allow him to make a decent living. I was a poor American, recovering from a drug addiction and had been living in my car for a while before finally securing a job at a call center and, subsequently, an apartment to call home. We struggled for quite a while and I vividly remember a time when we couldn't always afford to feed ourselves. I remember a particular day when I finally swallowed my pride and went to a local food bank.

I was embarassed. Embarassed that I had to ride around on the city bus with a food bank box, embarassed that I couldn't take care of myself and above all, embarassed of the addiction that had brought me to that point. We feasted that evening. Government cheese, expired bread and canned peas. I found work shortly after that desperate day but never forgot how much the program had helped me. While we were sorting through canned goods on Thursday, I quietly recalled that desperation and realized how blessed I am that it hasn't returned.

The West Texas Food Bank is seriously short handed. I can imagine that most similar organizations have the same struggle. They have so much work to do and close to no one available for that work considering their limited funds. This location only has one full time worker and one part time worker sorting through the canned good donations. That may sound sufficient but we were literally wading in cans and I cannot imagine doing that on a daily basis. It was physically demanding in a weird Mexican maquila sense because it required doing the same simple activity over and over. I have never understood my husband's struggle on la linea more than I did after an hour of sorting through cans today. I'm sure I still don't get it.

My heart literally broke when I found out that we had to throw away any can that was dented along the edges. They told us that a can with a dent along the edge could be contaminated and because said contamination could lead to people getting sick, it was better to just toss it. "When in doubt, throw it out," we were told. I felt physically sick with the amount of food we were putting in the trash but USDA law is USDA law. I wondered how many Juarenses we could have fed with the food that we got rid of. How many would give their right pinky finger for just a couple of those dented cans? That was the hardest part for me. But at the end of the day, I was happy that we were able to help and happy that my co-workers were willing to help. It takes a special breed to give back with gusto. I love the spirit of the season and wish we (myself included) could all have the same spirit year round.

I hope everyone else is enjoying their December, and all that it means, as much as I am. I have been reminded to give thanks, love big and act as if each and every day were your last day on Earth. I hope that everyone else has had the opportunity to do the same.

My Top 10 Mexican Junk Foods

I love to eat, and for me, half the fun of moving to Mexico was learning how to cook my favorite foods from restaurants in the US, and the other half was perusing Mexican grocery stores. I love them all and could spend hours walking up and down the aisles. From the fruteria on the corner to the mercado down the street to the nearby supermercados and hipermarts, the foodie fun just never ends.

#fatgirlproblems

These are some of the Mexican junk foods, in no particular order, that I have fallen in love with over the last couple of years. I'm not including street foods here because let's be real; that's a blog of it's own.

Hi my name is Emily and I am a Nutellaholic. The discovery of the Kinder Bueno solidified my addiction to sugar and hazelnuts in a way I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. Our friends over at Ferrero describe this candy as a hazelnut cream filled wafer with a chocolate covering. I think a more accurate description would be
 "God Himself hugged by a crispy coat of angelic perfection and dipped in orgasms."
I guess that's why I'm not in advertising.

Queso Asadero. Chihuahua is famous for it's cheese and that is something I've known about for a long time. I remember living in the absolute hood of Mesa, Arizona and having random men knock on my door asking if I would like to buy some cheese, "Fresco y directamente de Chihuahua!" I have fully taken advantage of all that Juarez has to offer in the cheese department. My favorite isn't Queso Mennonita as many would assume. It's actually Asadero. I freaking love it. It comes in many forms, knots and blocks and shreds, but my favorite is the cut you see above. Please excuse my creepy extraterrestrial looking hand, I just wanted to show you how thin the slice is. They make these slices perfectly sized for a quesadilla. This is "last meal" shit people.

Cheap ass vodka. The Popov of Mexico. This isn't much cheaper than the bottom shelf US versions but I like it. This is a new drink for me (I've been pretty stuck on Presidente since we moved here) and I'm having fun playing bartender and making mixed drinks. There are just endless possibilities with vodka since there are no additives.



Speaking of getting shit faced... If you're going to drink, you're going to need some nuts. Cacahuates Estilo Japones (Japanese Peanuts) are my favorite nut choice. Despite countless lessons from Cortney, I never could master the sunflower seed. This is my drinking nut of choice and damn is it good!

I don't have a lot of memories of my father from when I was younger but the ones I do have typically revolve around The Plaza in Kansas City, Missouri. I remember going to Topsy's where they make gourmet popcorn.  I would always want this candy coated cinnamon version. One day Gordo and I were out de compras at Soriana San Lorenzo and a sexy big busted vendor girl was handing out samples of Poppin' Pop. It tasted like my youth and is the perfect combination of sweet and salty. Fantastic late night snack.



I'm a cheap drunk and my close friends know I am a boxed wine fanatic. Much to my surprise, there is boxed wine in Mexico. And when I say boxed I mean wine in tetra pacs. Franzia/Vella style boxes cost upwards of $20.00 US. No thanks. This red table wine from Valle Redondo California is my absolute favorite here and rings up at only $38.99 pesos a liter. In fact, I love it so much that I now wrinkle my nose at Franzia because it is just too sweet.

This one is pretty much a no-brainer. Mexican Sweet Breads. You can get them fresh from a baker for pennies and there are out of this world Panederias on practically every single corner. On the weekends, people line up at 7am at the door of the Superette by my house just to get their conches and marranitos. My personal favorite is not pictured because I ate it before the camera had a chance. Duh. I think they call it a cuernito de queso.
It's basically a croissant filled with sweet cheese.

I hate chips in Mexico. I hate Mexican Doritos, I hate Takis, I hate their weirdo version of kettle chips and all of the chili/limon combinations that are so loved in this country. Cheetos Poffs are the ONLY exception to my hatred.
They are only slightly different from their American counterpart and every bit as delicious.
Oh, and if you've never had wine with Cheetos... Well friend, I don't know how you live with yourself.
No seriously, how do you lay your head on your pillow each night? 

The food my husband misses the most from the US is Hot & Spicy McChicken Sandwiches from McDonald's. Go figure. They do not sell them in El Paso so he has only gotten to have one once since we moved to Mexico. I brought them for him from Ruidoso, New Mexico, which is a little ski resort town that I had to travel to for a licensing class. He devoured four in one sitting. The chicken pictured can be found at S Mart and taste exactly the same in my opinion, although Gordo disagrees. Whatever, they are off the chart delicious. They are sold as Milanesa de Pollo con Especias. Fry those bad boys up and... Mmmmm.

If a Magnum and an ice cream sandwich could make sweet, sweet love and then miraculously give birth to God in ice cream form, it would be a Tandem. These are so good and have the uncanny ability to make me feel like a 12 year old girl all over again. There is something special about novelty ice cream bars that just make me smile and this combination of strawberry and chocolate is off the charts good. I have totally chased down a Mexican ice cream truck for one of these.

What are your favorite treats from other countries?

A Week of Firsts for the Mister

We had quite a week. I'm a little sad and not sure what to write. No, I don't want to talk about it. That's really an understatement. Regardless of everything going on, some fantastic things happened for the first time this week. The first first is that we bought a bottle of vodka, which is probably what made the rest of the week start to look a little less gloomy. #addictioncalls We made all sorts of new cocktails and it was like freshman year all over again. Koolaid. That's all I gotta say.

The 2nd first was that Mr. Cruz went to the dentist for the first time in his entire life. When he was younger he couldn't afford to go, and as an adult, I believe that I have scared the absolute shit out of him when it comes to dental work. After years of smoking crystal meth, my teeth are basically irreparable and I have endless horror stories about random, bottom of the barrel, questionable dentists. Don't do drugs kids. Because of my stories, Gordo was absolutely terrified to go to the dentist. I nagged and nagged until he made an appointment though and he went in yesterday for his first cleaning. Exciting stuff people.

I wish I could've gone with him for support and also because I am one nosey ass motherfucker who is dying to see what it's like to go to a dentista Mexicana, but of course I couldn't make it because I was working at the time of his appointment. I have tons of work that needs to be done and the latest estimate from my dentist in El Paso would leave me with a $5,000+ (US$) bill. I've held off, to say the least. Despite my lack of presence, he came out of his first cleaning alive. Although apparently they injected him with Novocaine which seemed odd to me for a cleaning, but what do I know? I'm just a crazy American, right?! Moving on...

The 3rd first, which comes in far ahead of dental work and discovering the joys of vodka, is that on Tuesday my mister ENROLLED IN PREPA! That is the Mexican version of high school. Of course I saved the best first for last. In Mexico, the educational system is very different from that in the US and your public education is only free through la secundaria which I suppose can be compared to middle school in America. Even up to that point, children only go to school for about 4 hours a day compared to the 7-8 hours a day in the US. I'm not educated enough on the topic to discuss the quality of that 4 hours. I have little to no experience with the Mexican public education system but it's clear that there are differences from the American version. I do know that Mexican private schools can be beyond excellent and there is definitely something lacking for the poor here. Surprise, surprise.

My husband's family couldn't afford to send him to prepa so at 33 years old, he was enthralled to discover that the maquila he is working for will cover the cost. I am so excited for him! As I've discussed in the past, I believe that education is everything in this world, and something the majority of us take for granted in the US. Of course he is nervous and intimidated and worried but I know this is going to be an amazing thing for him. I'm proud of him for taking this step because I know what it means for him and understand the emotional cost and the fear behind all of it. I am so unbelievably proud of him. He is supposed to start class on January 5th. I'll keep you posted with the progress.

In perspective, it's been an amazing week. I suppose I am just writing this as a reminder that I need to concentrate on the good things. Keep it real lovers. Keep it real.

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving

November 1st  Today I am thankful for my caring and hilarious and hard-working husband. I don't just love the guy, I like him.

November 2nd  Today I am thankful for brandy.

November 3rd  Today I am thankful for asprin, my amazing friends, and the hair of the dog.

November 4th  Today I am thankful for Old Navy pajama pants, Sunday movie marathons in my beautiful home, and garlic cheddar biscuits!

November 5th  Today I am thankful for my job and thankful that my parents taught me that things don't just get handed to you in life, you have to WORK for them!

November 6th  Today I am thankful to be the citizen of a country where I have freedom of speech and the power to vote. These may be rights for Americans but they are a mere fantasy for so many! Please do not take these privileges for granted. VOTE.

November 7th  Today I'm thankful for Sonoron hot dogs and wine.

November 8th  Today I am thankful for people who believe in me. Whether it be my mom, or a co-worker, or a blog reader, or my husband, or a journalist. I appreciate it. It makes me believe in myself.

November 9th  Today I am thankful for technology. It allows me to have meaningful relationships with sooooo many people, keep up with my blog, talk to my Dad, see current pictures of family members, and so much more. I don't know what I would do without the internet!

November 10th  (Posted on 11/11/2012) Today I am thankful that I had so much fun yesterday that I forgot to post day 10 of Thirty Days of Thanksgiving.

November 11th  Today I'm also thankful for my three favorite B's. Beer, burritos and B-12 drops.

November 12th  Today I am thankful that the heater in my car is working!

November 13th  Today I am thankful that Casa Collision came out to my office today and finally finished the last of the repairs from my accident. It only took them 2 months... Now I'm just praying that the engine troubles that started last night will be a cheap and quick fix!

November 14th  Today I am thankful for my disgustingly AMAZING husband, who should quit his day job at the maquila and become a radio journalist. I love you. I adore you. You hasta intimidate me. Mwah, mwah, mwahhhh!

November 15th  Today I am thankful for my sweet little doggies. They love me unconditionally and truly are man's best friend. A good friend's Doberman passed away yesterday and my heart goes out to his whole family. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that is and it definitely made me realize how much I love my four-legged nuggets.

November 16th  Today I am thankful for good friends, who are still there for me even when we are worlds apart. Even when I haven't spoken to them in ages, it's like we just chatted the day before. Love you ladies.

November 17th  Today I'm thankful for an email I got from my little man. It lit up my life in ways I cannot even begin to explain.

November 18th  Today I am thankful for laughter and all of the fabulous people in my life who make me laugh each and every day! It is medicine for the soul!

November 19th  Today I am thankful for electricity and running water.

November 20th  Today I'm thankful for my health and dental insurance. It's not cheap and may not be the best coverage, but it's there. Now to decide if I should fix a "possibly salvageable" cracked molar for $300 or get it extracted for $40.

November 21st  Today I am thankful, not just for having a job, but for having a job that I love. And of course my fantastical coworkers are an added bonus.

November 22nd  Today I am thankful that God forgives me, each and every day. I am extremely blessed in every facet of my life, even when I am beyond undeserving. I am thankful that my God doesn't care if I swear or make mistakes or drink too much or have bitchy moments; at the end of the day, He knows my intentions and is always there for me!

November 23rd  Today I am thankful that the line was merciful and I was able to get to work, and home, in record time.

November 24th  Today I am thankful for... drumroll mothafuckas... YOUTUBE!

November 25th  Today I'm thankful for country music and American cable. I've been thoroughly enjoying Bravo for several hours!

November 26th  Today I am thankful that my CEUs are finished!

November 27th  Today I am thankful for the head mouse. This status brings tears to my eyes for so many reasons. We lost a co-worker in Utah last week in a boating accident. He was in his mid-twenties and leaves behind his wife and two children. He was a newer employee and only 7 days away from qualifying from our company's life insurance policy. What did the main man do? Cut his family a personal check for $10,000. I work for the best!!

November 28th  Today I am thankful for Christina Orta-Moncada. I can tell her anything and she never judges or thinks less of me. She has been there for me in the good times and bad and is the best listener I've ever known. She can out-eat me at Peter Piper and taught me all about wine but still tries to motivate me to work out. She isn't afraid to disagree with me and always makes me laugh.

November 29th  Today I am thankful for my sight and hearing, my arms and legs and my fingers and toes.

November 30th  Today I am thankful that my husband and I have been able to find a place, outside of the US, that we are both happy and proud to call our home. Sometimes I wonder what we would have done if he were from El Salvador or Ghana or Haiti or another 3rd world nation where I wouldn't be able to work earning US dollars and I realize how blessed we are that border living is even an option. I am eternally grateful that this crazy decision has worked out so well for us. Now I'll drink to that! It's Friday motherfuckers!